Went shopping tonight, I have to find a birthday present for a friend, difficult because she doesn't want anything! She's a person who isn't obsessed with owning stuff like I am, "I HAVE to have those shoes/bag/earrings!" So myself and hubby are wandering around Dundrum, after a lovely dinner of coffee and cake, seriously, we went into a load of shops, got lots of ideas for what to buy, "if she liked football, was 15 or anorexic, this would be perfect!", and we bought the birthday card (always an important bit!).
Did you know there is a lovely new Urban Outfitters in Dundrum, I love that shop, wouldn't (and couldn't) wear the clothes, but the shoes, bags and accessories are so cute, so as hubby lusted after frames made exactly to fit an album, i looked at cute little jewellery and hair accessories. After leaving the shop we sat down on a low wall, chatting away, and I turned to him and said "I'd like to be a goth again", (imagine that, a size 18, 34 year old goth, dropping the kids at the Montessori, "look mummy is it Halloween?"), credit to mu hubby, he said if that makes you happy, do it!
In all fairness I don't really want to be a middle aged goth, but I do want to be different from the way I am now. I'm tired of the jeans, top sneaker combo that I have embraced recently, I love wearing dresses, and high heels, they just require a little but more effort, a little bit more planning, no 3inch heels if I'm planning on walking the prom in Dunlaoghaire!
I have no desire to be like everyone else (maybe that's why I'm happy to be a big girl?) but I also don't want the kids friends making jokes about me changing the sheets on my coffin! I'd like a gothic meets burlesque look, I think the blonde highlights have to go too, I would love, just once to go for black and bright pink or blue streaks! I know, I don't do it because of what people would think, but for fucks sake who cares....?
I have a feeling I need a bit of an extreme make over, I've blandified myself to fit the mummy model, and I hate it, I hate the way people treat me, I'm not a boring respectable member of society, I've got a tattoo damn you! I've always regretted taking out my nose stud when I got pregnant with my first son ten years ago, it represented the huge changes I was about to make.
Maybe it's time I embraced my inner goth, maybe I need to be a little less Martha Stewart and a little more Dita Von Teese and just stop caring what random people think of me? I don't want to fit in anymore, I don't want to be a member of any club that requires me to give up my identity to join. I can still be a good mum if I have a mohawk or black lipstick, just means I won't be asked to accompany the junior infants on their trip to the Zoo, or asked to volunteer for any committees......God, why the hell hadn't I thought of this before!