Friday, May 16, 2008

I am so fucked

I am so has me bent over at the moment! Nothing is working the way it should the laptop is totally dead and the desktop that I am using now is rubbish.....I can comment only occasionally which takes the fun out of reading other peoples blogs, and even my own cos I can't interact....

So I tried to post a comment on Someone Livings post about bloggers luck! So I just wanted to do a quick post which summed up the way I feel about blogging and this blog in particular!

I love blogging, I really love it on a laptop, relaxed, sitting in bed! It's not quite so much fun on the lazy desktop in the chilly dark boring hall of my house! But Someone mentioned not feeling free to blog about personal stuff, or not thinking it's appropriate, but I think that as regards this blog anyone who knows Someone personally and reads this blog would be delighted to share his burden, to listen to his personal blog posts and to offer support or a few kind words, and anyone who reads this blog and doesn't know someone personally might find comfort in his struggles or have an interesting unbiased take on the situations!

I love this blog in particular because it feels like a community, and as such I have felt excluded as I haven't been able to interact recently with everyone! So if I haven't been a good blogger forgive me but it's hard to have a relationship when it's one sided and I can't respond to comments, my own blog is much more of a venting blog....a diatribe!

So I urge someone, I urge everyone to give a little bit......wouldn't it be wonderful if we all gave a little bit of ourselves to this blog, a truth, a secret, a desire that we have held in our hearts, afraid to share....?

Well, maybe it's just me......

Sometimes I look at my friend, my oldest, best friend, who has no children, married to a millionaire and has a wonderful fulfilling career and I wish, I wish I hadn't married for love, I wish I hadn't had three children, I wish I had thought of my self more, my makes me feel guilty, like a bad mother...I don't want anything to happen to them, but hindsight is a powerful thing!

So there you go, berate me if you must, I can't bloody respond, but I urge Someone, everyone to give a helps a lot!


  1. We all have day's and time's when nothing we do or say is right, Like yourself I have been with my fella since I was thirteen we're nearly sixty now and I can tell you sometime's I can't stand him. I know we hav'nt split up or anything but thing's wer'nt as easy in my day. Sometime's I look around and think what's it all for and then one of the kid's ring and I'm ok again for a while . Don't get me wrong I love my husband but life goes by very quickly and we all have some regrets.

  2. I wrote a big long comment earlier and blogger ate it, that's the second one today!
    All I was saying was that it's an honest post Midge, there's not one of us doesn't think a lot of "what if?"'s. I chose a route in life recently that meant a large loss of freedom to do all the things I enjoy and love so I often think about the alternative, we all do and no one will berate anyone for that. But you'll still be young when the kids have independence and you can work/ travel/ study knowing you raised them well and they are there for you.
    I admire you're honesty Midge, as always. You're one of the few people I know who just says it how it is.

  3. Thanks guys I know you bot are wonderful women full of self sacrifice, which is what makes the world go round. womens self sacrifice!

  4. ails, I was just with my family in the US, my aunt was just sixty in March, and died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack, in her sleep. She had been with her husband since she was 13 too.

    He worked and still works long long days, and while they were great together, I think she pined for more of an emotional life. She also spent most of her time at home, was a little agoraphobic.

    He started hiking and travelling, too much for her to keep up with. It's great for him, but I think he regrets not sharing more. I wonder what she would think about leaving so young? He is a wonderful man, she was a lovely woman... more acting, and less wishing is probably what we all need to do.

  5. sorry to hear about your aunt I hope she was happy. Nice that you went over I'm sure a lot of people would'nt take the time out of their busy live's to celebrate someone's life. you sound like a nice person.

  6. I try ails! But I fear my many flaws outweigh my good points...

  7. Midge, I've noticed even with myself that I don't think I've done a serious or personal posts in a long time. Think I've lost the ability, also ties in with fear of being sussed.

  8. I just don't seem to feel the feeling any more. Nothing occurs to me that seems appropriate. Maybe it's since the breast feeding débacle, maybe it's the recent feeling of posting into dead space (except for Milan negating my preferences :) ) but I've sort of lost the love for now.