Saturday, February 07, 2009

inlaw caregiving death cats

Strange title. Well yes, my mind works in seemingly random yet somehow related thoughts jumbled together. This is just a venting cheap therpy session for me, so if wallowing bugs ya move on along now ;o)

Last month was odd and I have been off kilter because of it. How far back shall I go. I will just stick with the last 2.5 weeks.

I have compliained publicaly and privately about an annoying inlaw who called constantly, to the point everyone was afraid to answer the phone. His own siblings and other family members did quit taking his calls. I am a sucker I guess , seems everyone should have one person who will answer when you need them to. He was the former caregiver to his mom, as I was to his grandparents, so we had some common ground. He however was rude, obnoxious and down right irritating, has been for the 30 years I've known him, but I felt sorry for him, and he was alone, and ill.
As happens with many caregivers they neglect themselves and give their all to the person they are caring for. By the time they get around to taking care of themself its too late. Without a horrid amount of details, I will just say this mans health was a train wreck and he wasn't doing anything about it. Whole lot of complaining and little if any action.
So during yet another marathon phone call, he used the excuse of his cats for not going for medical attention his doctor and he agreed he needed, So I told him nothng would happen to his cats, I would take them they would be safe and sound.

The next time the phone rings I answer with the usual dread. It is however not the inlaw I expect but his brother, informing me of his death. I am stunned? Yes I am! I knew this was a man going towards death sooner than he should be at the age of 48 , yet still stunned is what I am.
Sad and heartbroken? No, cold heatered person I am is just angry beyond belief.

Now I go over some of the calls and wonder what I didn't do to help, not a whole lot I could do with this stubborn old fart. I know he wanted us to move him here to care for him, no how no way! He lived with us once before, it was a nightmare, and quite frankly he was turning into his grandfather and I will never have someone treat me like that again. Something I haven't mentioned out loud as they will haul me off to the looney bin, sometimes I miss those awful phone calls that went on for hours, what a nut I am.

One of his caregiver has the cats, if she changes her mind I will send one of the kids to get them. I don't need more cats, 2 male unfixed cats at that, but I promised, he loved them more than himself .

One more cat thing, On the one week after inlaw died, my 17 year old cat died. Not surpriseing I suspected it was nearing time. She ruled the house and kept the other cats and dogs in line. She was a wonderful yet at times annoying cat, small and adorable and my heart just broke at her loss.


  1. Caregivers almost never look after themselves (from what I've seen). A sad story etamni, but don't question yourself over what you could have done, you did a lot for him I think. Sometimes an ear on the phone is all that's needed.

  2. How weird I posted a comment and it disappeared?

    Anyhow what I was saying was that I would not feel to coldhearted at least you persisted with this guy while people more immediate to him left him! It just hurts when someone does not appreciate what you do for them!

    In relation to the loss of your cat, I am so sorry to hear about that knowing how much those guys mean to you, but 17 was a damn good inings!

  3. Tough couple of weeks. Sorry to hear about both losses. He did not sound very happy so maybe he is now. I am a bit odd where the death of animals is sometimes more profound to me...I am not talking people I know. But on the news if there was a story about a dog being killed and a human I would be more affected by the story of the dog. wtf is that all about??

  4. most people can relate to animals being hurt as they can't make choice's unlike human's