Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Curse of the Mummy!

I was talking to my hubby last night, just chatting away about our day, there was a lot of "he said, she said", and while we were talking it occurred to me that there should be a support group for mummys. My husband said there was a report published recently that found that even though people think they have more friends than their parents generation it's not the case. We have more acquaintances for sure, but people don't spend their whole life in the same area now, different colleges, different careers, different counties, different continents and different life choices mean we move away from our oldest friends.Many people would say their "friends" fulfill the role family used to fill in previous generations lives, this is true in some cases of course but not in the majority of cases. Modern technology has made it possible to have easy and cheap travel and communication, but sometimes five euro flights and text messages don't mean there is any depth to the friendships!

What's this got to do with mummys? Well it's difficult enough to make friends as a grown up, but as a stay at home mum, with no workmates to chat to, it's really hard! There are the mum's at the school gates, or playgroup, but no one wants to appear desperate, to be the first to suggest a coffee. It's like dating, no one wants to be perceived as desperate, with no friends (it's not that we don't have friends, but it's the different counties, life choices etc. A lot of my friends work, live outside Dublin or just in different areas).

So my suggestion is this, Internet dating has become very popular and acceptable now, so why not some kind of Internet friendship web site, organise mothers only nights in the local pub? MY problem is slightly more complicated than others, we moved house so the parents at my sons school all know each other from the first days of school, bonding over tears at the school gates, but I only joined them after two years, so it's like a club I don't have membership for!

Women who become mothers seem to disappear from the radar, we are still people. My Hubby's granny is always cooing over my kids and saying, "sure you'd never be lonely with the kids around", but I am lonely, quite often I call my mum for a chat or I meet one of the other mums who doesn't work for a coffee, we need that, I need that!

This is an outlet for the loneliness I suppose, I'm talking to someone, not just singing ABC, hushing the little guy or wishing I was better at Irish as I try to help the eldest with homework!

On Sunday we had a BBQ for our friends who are going to the States for the summer, at one point there were six girls in the kitchen doing tequila slammers, three of which are stay at home mothers, we had great fun (we weren't pissed, we were actually quite sensible, kids were running around in the garden having a ball) and we joked that in future our coffee mornings will be tequila mornings! It would be so funny, "mummy, why are you so happy after your visit to auntie Wrangler's house?"


  1. There's no such thing as a housewife. Just ordinary girls with all of the experiences of the spectrum who are grouped together for the convenience of others, usually men. Housewives are my favourite people!

  2. MW I'd love to consider you a "friend" (even though we've never met!) Does that sound desperate....or what?!!

  3. Sl, You are a sweetie, it would be nice to see more house husbands...if working conditions were more equal we'd see more.
    Ash, Of course I consider you a friend, I hope we will meet soon. I'm thinking of you today, I hope it's a very happy day!