Friday, June 29, 2007
I was at my Stitch and Bitch group last night (knitting is sexy.....when will people realise?) While we were chatting away, needles clicking, the girl I introduced to the group, (who hadn't picked up needles in a few years) turned to me and said, "you were right about not being able to eat when knitting", "yes", I replied,"but you can still drink!" One of the other knitters joined in then,"but the knitting suffers!"
So it got me thinking, as a stay at home mum with a terribly hyperactive brain I'm always trying to figure out ways I could work while still hanging around the house. I've tried cake making and writing a book so far (cakes were successful but the time and energy involved is huge, writing not so successful, books wind up being about sex... seriously!). So driving home from the group I started thinking maybe there was something in this not eating while knitting thing.
A new diet craze, Stitch and Starve. I'm gonna write a book with a diet plan....no carbs after eight, no protein before eight, nothing with the letter "s" in it.... basically we'll swallow any old crap if we think it'll get us into size 0000 Jeans (that's the size Barbie wears I believe). Then the knitting aspect of the book is a series of patterns - they only come in sizes small, xtra small and well done, you're tiny! So as you knit you can't snack...the patterns for sexy tank tops mean you are working for a goal and the extremely low calorie diet means you've no energy or brain power to question what you are doing.
Now I actually think people will buy this book, in fact I'm sure of it, remember the cabbage soup diet? The grapefruit and boiled egg diet? Pray yourself thin sinner (seriously)? The secret to selling a million diet books is a good before and after picture, now I'm a size 18, so I get a picture of me looking unhappy in my size 18 state....maybe slumped on the sofa eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's, the my after photo would be a size 8 me, standing on top of a mountain in leisure wear, knitting away.
And the best bit is I don't have to follow the diet, I'll just do what the rest of them do, liposuction! Get it all sucked out, sure the credit union will give me a loan (start up business) and then the money will roll in from the books!
Posted by Midget Wrangler at Friday, June 29, 2007