The night I slept on a bench

Ok, so after a day of frantic voting - and before everyone goes to the pub... Here it is... The bench story

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Like all great stupid stories in my life, it starts with alcohol...

Ah, alcohol, my oldest friend... my semi-constant companion... my long term health risk...

Still though, vodka... mmmm

Anyway, I had been to a birthday party, a 30th birthday party, in Iveagh Gardens... In fact, the whole day had an alfresco theme...

We were having a secret adult picnic... In that we were drinking in the park, which you're not supposed to - along with food and frisbees and sitting on rugs... All the essential components of a picnic...

The drinking part was mainly champagne as I recall... and the party kept going... so when the park / gardens were closing we all returned to the delightful Mews residence of Birthday Boy and his parents, just off Wellington Road...

Birthday Boy's Mother had made equally delightful food - the family wine cellar was open - and the drinking continued...

And continued...

And continued...

Somehow, late in the evening (and frankly I'm starting to wonder whether I've even got the right day in my head at this stage...) there were 5 people left...

Those 5 people...

• Birthday Boy
• Mutual friend of Birthday Boy and Mine
• Mutual friend's wife
• Mutal friend's wife's friend..
• Me

All drunk... As monkeys...

The last drink I remember having was a tall glass full of frozen vodka... If hindsight is of any help, that may have been the "one too many"

We all set off on our merry ways... And this is where I parted company with logic and sense, along with my friends...

It is now, about 4am, it is summer - and it is starting to get bright...

I live a reasonable taxi ride from the city centre... and for reasons that escape me had to be in the city centre at 10am.

Now, theoretically, I could have travelled home by taxi, slept, showered, returned to town...

But drunken monkey part of my brain said... "Wait a second, why don't I just stay in town til 10am... Brilliant"

So, I did...

But everywhere was closed and I was tired...

So, I wandered along from Wellington Rd, across the canal and into a kind of semi square in front of some accountant firms building...

"Ah", I said to myself, "look a bench... I know, I'll just have a little rest..."

So, I did...

I slept on a bench... oblivious to the world, to the thieves, criminals, junkies, tourists, tv licence inspectors etc who might be wandering past....

I was woken by a slightly embarassed security man...

To this day, I cannot explain the process that led me to sleep on the bench... But I drove past the location this morning in a taxi and I wondered "What was I thinking?"

The best and only answer is that "I was tired..."