Friday, June 08, 2007

Sleeping with the enemy!

When did my lover become the enemy? Not constantly, sometimes he's my strongest ally but then there will be a shift and we'll get defensive over something silly and turn from the couple we've been for nearly twenty years to the two selfish sixteen year olds we were when we met. Why is it so hard?

They(who tend to say a lot of crap about everything) say because humans aren't meant to live for as long as they do, they just aren't programmed for fidelity. Yet we try, we attempt to maintain relationships from our twenties (or teens) throughout our lives, looking forward to our golden old age sitting in a rocking chair holding hands with our soul mate (or today with Viagra it's promise of sexual vitality, well into our nineties). Is this just a silly pipe dream, an impossible schoolgirl fantasy?

I don't believe in "soul mates", I think you meet many different people that are perfect for you at different times of your life, and you just have to work your ass off to make it work in the long term if that's what you want, I think the whole "soul mate" thing is a rip off, "well if he was my real soul mate things wouldn't be so hard", and people just give up.

A friend of mine was talking to me about relationships and she asked was my partner still my best friend? I told her he was, but sometimes he pissed me off (is that not natural when you are with someone for so long, and you see them every day?), but I want more, I want passion and romance, I want ice cream and champagne, satin and chains! Is that wrong?

At the moment I have all these things with my partner (for 80% of the time) but sometimes I think all this passion is what leads to our rows, that there has to be a flip side. So sometimes I long for companionship without passion, because as Will Young said, "if I miss the highs then at least I'm spared the lows".


  1. With you on most of this MW - I've always strongly believed that of the passion dies then yes, you will be spared the highs and the lows, but where's the fun in that?

    I think we need to start a society to disperse the myth of the soulmate. Fiction (Hugh Grant movies/WB Yeats/chick-lit/telly relationships) has lied to us for too long where experience tells us something quite different.

  2. I'm just worried about taking relationship advice from young Will Young!

    I have a lot of these and other relationship questions on my mind at the moment. I look forward to discussign them with you further!

  3. someone, I think it started before Hugh Grant, All the tragic love stories of literature talk of soul mates. Maybe human beings need this particular fantasty to keep reproducing, cos really that's what it's about!
    Jo, looking forward to sharing rants! I mean reasonably discussing relationship issues! I like Will Young, not his music but he has lovely teeth!