Sunday, June 17, 2007

War of the mothers!

It's fathers day, so I'm gonna write about mothers! Anyone who reads my own blog knows that even though I've been a mother for nine years I'm still struggling with the ins and outs of motherhood.

Recently I've found myself wondering about the divisions between women, just as every child is different, every mother is different. We seem to be constantly at each others throats. The women who are bottle feeding are the enemies of the women who breastfeed, the working mothers are the enemies of the stay at home mothers and the environmentally unfriendly women who use disposable nappies are the arch enemies of the Eco savvy mother with her organic cotton nappies.


Why are we at each others throats? When I look at my friends who are mothers we are all different, we all fall into different camps on lots of different issues, but we all have one thing in common, we all want the best for our little ones. We are all handed a bundle of joy, with no instructions, we have to make decisions everyday, about how we are gonna take care of our children, feed them, discipline them all in a manner that is agreeable to our own beliefs and the way we live our lives as women.

None of my friends would judge people as regards the way they live, where they live, their marital status, personal grooming or financial status. Yet we often judge other mothers once we become mothers ourselves. I'll put my hand up and say I do it! It's a horrible thing, I look at my very eco-friendly friend using her nappies that spill the contents regularly and while I admire her for being so environmentally friendly, I'm thinking, "God just make your life easier, use disposables!" Or my acquaintance who works very hard, travels away a lot leaving her two year old to family members and her daddy, on top of her 7am to 7pm creche, I judge her, I really do.

I'm trying not to, I'm trying to be more tolerant. Why are women always enemies? Why can't we all be on the same side? The serious working woman at one end of the page and the eco-friendly super mother (earth) at the other end, but all on the same page? We aren't enemies, we could be an amazingly powerful group if we all joined forces.


  1. I wish I knew. I wonder if judgement like that is learned or instinctive behavior? We all do it...someone who says they don't is lying. I bet even Mother Teresa did it!

    Maybe it's a way to make ourselves feel better over our own lot? Men don't really do it, do they? Maybe that's why they call us things like catty and bitchy.

    This must be addressed over a bottle or wine (or 10).

  2. Some of us do judge the parenting skills of fellow fathers, just not out loud. Not normally the judgemental type but some people get it so wrong or worse still just don't arse themselves trying at all, that's the only cardinal sin as far as I can see. Even then I'm sure I've been guilty of it on more than my fair share of occasions.

  3. I have to say as a male, I do see this happen quite a lot although I am lucky that my wife generally just does as she wants and pays no attention to anything other mothers may say.

    Mothers tbh are there to learn from and so should try to learn from each other.

    I know in my occupation that I am dealing with a lot of fathers who had newborns in the baby boom of 06/07 some are even blogging here, and I have to say talking to fellow fathers has taught me loads.

    Now I must go write up my baby post.

  4. It’s absolutely normal that we have strongly defined views and otherwise we wouldn’t have any personality and character…and those traits will be passed to our children. One of my acquaintances is very reserved when it comes to imposing any of her own opinions to others but when it comes to babies - that’s a different story: strong opinion. I would have to agree with you Midget Wrangler - ultimately the time spent with the child would avoid them wasting time and money going trough therapies and dealing with anger “why mommy or daddy wasn’t there for them”.. .. and when it comes to feeding : breast, organic, non processes sure has it’s place if you are concerned about the flawless skin and healthy happy children…

  5. Well I suppose we could open a bottle of organic wine and discuss the ins and outs of motherhood! I think you are right Polka, that it must be passed from mother to daughter, and men don't do it do they.
    Sean, fathers tend not to be defined purely as that when they have kids, but once a woman becomes a mother she is defined primarily as such.No matter what else they do.
    Frank, it's hard not to share your opinions on children I suppose cos it's such a huge part of our lives. But you are right happy mummys make happy babies