Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I'm torturing myself again. I'm on another diet. Which means I'm snappy moody and miserable. Why? because society deems me not normal. I can only shop in large size stores with big prints and floaty designs that not only make you look much bigger but make you look like your having twins. But its no one fault except my own see I love food I love eating it, making it ,and shopping for it. I know I comfort eat to make up for the lack of male company. Which in its self is a whole other story. But I cant help it. Today I had cardboard for breakfast. I will have Salad for Lunch and dry chicken and rice for Dinner. All I can think of is chocolate and cakes and its always the same when I'm on a diet. You want what you can't have. I don't eat sweets very often my problem is portion size and when to stop eating, and I also bake to much. I have a thread mill in my bedroom that makes an excellent clothes horse and it taunts me every day for not using it. I just cant face it after a day of work dealing with my child and wearing every other hat you do as a single parent. I have also tried slimming pills and shakes. An egg an orange diet don't ask. An all you can eat soup diet and Atkins which only gave me head aches. So I'm on a down hill spiral of denying myself the only luxury I have in my life for the next week or so till I get so depressed I eat two large bars of chocolate and enough bread to feed an army. Then the lectures from my Mam will start. Which are bad so I want to avoid them at all costs. This time I'm not telling her I'm on a diet, as the constant nagging makes me want scream. So I'm starting a fresh tomorrow no more cardboard or diet food just healthy fruit and veg and cut portions in half. No more sugary drinks or alco pops for a while just cut out the crap. No more cakes or eclairs I'm putting my foot down. I have to do it. If I ever have any hope of meeting someone then I have to try. Thou I do believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder and weight shouldn't matter. ( I'll save that rant for another post) If your slim and can eat what you like spare a thought for those of us who only eat a square of chocolate and put on two pounds. I'm not jealous I just have no will power. I was slim once at 18 didn't last long once I started to work late and eat kebabs. So wish me luck. Im on a mission.
Posted by penny at Tuesday, July 17, 2007