On Monday I'm leaving on a jet plane, do know when I'll be back again....Tuesday week! I'm really looking forward to seeing my lovely friends, but I'm terrified of leaving everything and everyone I love here.
You guys probably are like, "Jesus, she wanted to fecking go, now she's complaining!" You are right, I want to go away, I want to destress, I want to put myself to the test, step out of my box....travel out of my comfort zone! Most of you probably do things on your own, a night at the cinema, lunch in a cafe, a weekend away, a lone train journey. I on the other hand am never alone(for nine and a bit years now), I always have a little one attached to me, be it a coffee, trip to town or the bathroom.
If one more person asks me will I not miss the kids I'll explode! Of course I'll miss them, they are all part of me, they are my soul and heart, they are my reasons for living (I know it sounds like a Celine Dion song). I will miss them and I know they'll miss me but life is complicated and sometimes people we love go away from us, we miss them and when they return to us we are delighted and we enjoy them even more than we did before. I'll miss all of them for different reasons, the baby's snugly little velvety head, his gummy smile and those blue eyes, that my daughter calls his "blooming" eyes...so wide open. My daughter with her little grey tooth (that's what happens when monkeys jump on beds), she is so clever, sharp and funny, gentle and caring but incredibly headstrong and independent...I hope she never changes....her hubby will be one hell of a lucky man! And my handsome eldest son, my firstborn, so sensible and responsible, caring and loving, an amazing child, gentle but also a real boy, with his football and computer games, his little freckly face is so cute i want to smother him in kisses, while he still lets me! I'm gonna miss them with every fiber in my being, even now thinking about it I feel physically ill. But I'm still gonna do it.
Then my husband, living under the same roof for 14 years, same bed, I can't sleep when his warm body is missing, and when I do I wake up panicking. We've been away from each other a handful of days in that time, and then he was away and I was with my weenies and so not alone. While I'm worried that the kids will miss me too much, I worry he won't miss me enough, but that's not gonna stop me going either. I will miss him a lot, he's my rock, even when we've been through the mill and there have been bad times I still cling to him (oh god...I'm a limpet...or worse a barnacle). I'll miss him.
My parents were here today, I'm gonna miss them too, I see them at least twice a week and talk to my mum daily on the phone (btw my mobile won't work on the island). They love me so much they want me to be happy and travel, even though it scares them.
I'm counting my blessing tonight, all the little lovely things in my life that often get overlooked cos I'm stressed over a tantrum or a messy bedroom or no money for the phone bill. My life is good, and on Monday I'll be looking at my life from another continent and i think I'll be able to see it clearly and come home refreshed and revived, and ready for another nine year stretch without a break. Fingers crossed!
I hope to post again before I go. If I don't take care of yourselves and each other....and write loads so I will have loads to catch up on!!!