While knitting on the sofa the other evening I was doing my usual flicking around the music channels, there was a Take That thing on, and some Robbie Williams videos were playing. Now I'm not a mad fan of Robbie's music but I do find his life quite interesting, the ambiguous sexuality, drug and drink abuse and the ubiquitous stay in Rehab! In his early post Take That days, pre rehab days he was a bit of a cheeky chappie and so I lingered on the channel for a while. Then the video for "Strong" came on, now I'd never paid too much attention to the lyrics of the song before but it's actually quite sad.
He talks about how his life is messed up and he's living a life of excesses and abuses, he appears to be a happy chappy to the world but inside he's empty. I love the bits about getting older, "I look like Kiss, but without the make-up" or " When I'm drunk I dance like me dad". It happens to us all, we all get older, but it's our attitude to it that matters. I quite like the freedom getting older gives me, peer pressure has eased and I feel much more comfortable in my own skin! There's another line in the song that I love, "Life's too short to be afraid", I have tried over the years to live with this in my mind at all times, but it's hard, I've got kids and I'm in a serious relationship, so my opportunities to be a bit crazy and take risks are few and far between. When an opportunity presents itself I tend to put everyone elses feelings and needs before my own. In just over two weeks time though I am leaving on a (jumbo) jet plane, travelling to the states alone, so I am really trying to live my life again, I do feel as if I got side tracked.
Now I'm not promoting drink and drug abuse but I am promoting living life to the full! I have to admit a terrible thought I've had recently about Rehab, it's a fashion a passing fad, but also it's kinda boring, sorry, but it is. I think I'm probably a hedonist in my world view, my waistline and drinks cabinet would testify to that, but I'm also a sensible and responsible parent (I hope). I know people really do need rehab, and I've know my fair share of people personally who need it (when I was 28/29 would have been the perfect time for me), but I think people popping in and out of it, go in suffering from Coke bloat and come out looking svelte and shiny, only to "relapse" in 6 months! it's a "live it up, give it up" system, no moderation!
I love the excesses of life too much I suppose, but it's what reminds us that we are alive! Since i started thinking more positively I've enjoyed all the good things in life even more than before, and it's easier to deal with the negative things when they pop up . I have gone through phases of my life where my outlook has been negative, and it's a horrible place to be! I know a lot of people who are still in that place and it's a comfortable place to be because you don't have to take any chances, and you don't try, it's "I can't, I couldn't,I won't". These friends who are in this place at the moment remind me of myself and I realise that it's not nice to be around people like that, it saps your energy, and you feel totally drained!
So I'm attempting to maintain my new outlook. It's tough at times but it's improved my life no end....I always get a car parking space in Dundrum now!