Monday, July 09, 2007

No apologies ...

Sometimes an apology is pointless. Sometimes its not even worth offering. I've got two apologies that I'll never be able to make. A few years ago I had my head quite severely up my arse. So much so that when one of my best friends texted me with the news that his father had passed away I didn't respond. I never called him or went to the funeral. I've no real idea why. I do know that my absence was noted; I got a text some weeks later where he told me in no uncertain terms that I had let him down. And I had. His father was a decent bloke and I had stayed over in their house on many occasions.

You'd have think this would wake me up from whatever dream world I inhabited at the time but nope.

Some weeks later another friend of mine lost a parent. My mate Aarons mother passed on. Aaron was one of my best mates when I was 13/14 but we drifted away like kids of that age do. He was badly injured in an accident when he was about 20 and had to learn basics like walking and talking again - he had head injuries and wore a bandage that sort of made him look like Mark Knofler in the Money for Nothing video. His folks were separated years and his
ma looked after him by herself. When we were kids she was great for having us over in the house and letting us go (moderately) mad. She was also a yummy mummy before the term existed. She was the coolest mam anyone in the neighbourhood had. I didn't go to the funeral and I haven't seen Aaron since.


  1. Why not make those apologies? In my experience it might be years that have passed but relationships can be saved. Then again I'm a woman and as such I apologise on a daily basis for a variety of things (some of which are my fault). Often we change as time passes and your friends will have changed too, you might be suprised at hte response you get if you approach them. Otherwise just hope you've learned from the experiences, and never let it happen again. I sound a bit mad and sermony don't i (or as I call it Fr Fortunesque). Sorry! :-}

  2. Hmmm nothing worse than having regrets.. I agree with Midge, get in touch, explain about the "weirdness" you were going through and see what happens. If they tell you to feck off at least you made the effort and your mind will stop dwelling on it.

    Love the Mark Knofler reference btw, anytime I see someone with a bandage on their head I will think of him now.

  3. This may be horrible sexist and contraversial, but I wonder if men in their youth can sometiems slip in to a sort of Asberger's-y state - your story reminds me of my brother who is 25 and while he may be good to his friends, has no sort of emotional responsibility to his family whatsoever. I don't know if it's being the youngest, or jsut not giving a shit, or soem genuine emotional blockage.

    Either way, I don't think you're alone in that sort of emotional selfishness you went through - if you feel it's changed, and you regret it, then you've obviously experienced a big transition, more power to you.

    If I was your friend I'd love to know that you felt the way you do. Maybe write a couple letters, give them time to process. I'd say you'd feel better for it even if you don't get a response.

  4. This is a great first post GB - welcome. I've always found pretty much the same, that it's never too late to say "sorry, my head was up my arse". You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    Even if it doesn't heal the relationship between you and your mates it might make you feel better about it all.

    I've had my fair share of problems with apology over the years (I can be a stubborn bastard if I think I'm in the right) but they're never not worth offering.

  5. I agree, it's a very good post. Don't feel qualified to give advice.