I was in town last night, in a bar, with my friend who was drinking wine and vodka (not together, although.....) so what's so strange about that I hear you say, "Midge you are a bit of an alco.....we all saw you in action the night of our drinks!" Well guys surprise surprise I haven't had an alcoholic drink since that night......seriously! So Saturday night was my second outing to a pub since I've gone tee total, the first visit on Wednesday evening was grand, my friend had a few drinks while I sipped my mineral water, it was early and the pub is a nice local. Last night was a totally different story, it was a popular bar in the city, it was full, my friend was intent on getting drunk.....but she kept insisting she was sober! I drank about seven diet cokes over the evening, half eight until nearly two! I was actually physically jumping in my sleep last night!
The night didn't look like it was gonna be a sit in the pub night originally, Kate Nash was playing in the Ambassador and I twisted my friends arm into going with me, as I mentioned she's a couple of drinks while you dance around your handbag on a Saturday night type of girl, so I really had to twist hard. The problems started when we found ourselves downstairs in the Ambassador, surrounded by teenagers (I was mortified when I saw that I had some of the same t shirts the young ones were wearing), there was no bar.....because of the bloody kids, so my mate started to get antsy, "there is a bar upstairs, but we are only letting twenty people up there!" And of course those twenty stayed put, not allowing anyone else up!
Now to give credit where credit is due my friend stood there amidst the weenies (arms crossed) for a good half an hour before she made her displeasure known, so as Kate played my favorite song of hers (the one about birds shitting on her head) we left, to the sanctuary of the nearest bar, where she was immediately drawn to the bar and a large glass of White wine! My second diet coke of the evening and a discussion about poor Kate, and how did such a pretty young thing get so angry, bitter and twisted so soon? My friend said it took her a good thirty years to get to the shouting stage! I have to admit the teeny boppers loved her angry anti man tirade, which is strange because they seemed to like the boys they were making out with!
My friend grew restless, there wasn't much "talent", so she wanted to go to her familiar hunting ground, "your carriage awaits", into my car and off to the main event! Oh My God! Now I am 34 years old in human years, but really I'm about fifty, I usually am drunk when I am in places like that on a Saturday night so being in the place stone cold sober, surrounded by people who were several sheets to the wind, by the end of the night the bar staff were giving me looks of sympathy (either that or it was "what the hell are you doing here sober? At least we are being paid"). After another couple of cokes and what felt like three hours but which was actually only 60 minutes I witnessed the first causality of the evening, a very well turned out young man who literally passed out standing up, he only woke when his head came into contact with the bar and he knocked over his pint.
Then there were the "ladies", dancing......Oh God, why is it every girl in Dublin thinks she is actually a hoochy mamma from one of Snoop Dogs videos? Seriously, all the time the cheese wire thong cutting their asses in half! There were some very humorous Polish guys who all looked like Moby, they were really giving it socks! The highlight of my night was when one lifted the other over his head Madness style! This was later imitated by two very classy young women, resulting in what was probably just a sprained ankle!
More diet Cokes followed, my friend was now on the vodka and coke (we were doing the rounds thing....do you do that when one person isn't drinking booze?) I could tell we were now in totally different places, her conversation was getting a lot more difficult to follow and I started yawning! At one in the morning it got really messy, scary guys started to circle and there seemed to be no respect for personal space (at one point a bloke nearly pushed me off my stool with his arse). My companions passion had turned to pizza and with the promise of this I lured her out into the night.
Now the best bit, it was half one, cold, wet miserable, and there was my lovely warm car, no waiting for a taxi that smelt a bit like vomit, no night bus home hoping the guy next to me wasn't going to puke on me......just my car, my favorite Cd and a drive through town playing doge the idiot in the middle of the road who thinks you are a taxi! Fifty points if you hit one!
So will I be doing it again? Probably, because all the time I was watching my fellow revellers I was remembering times I'd done that very thing or worse (passed out at a party once, on a very sticky table.....my hair stuck to it!) Next week though I am out to dinner with a friend and it'll be a couple of drinks, so watch out Ranelagh!