Friday, January 25, 2008

Don't stand so close to me!

I'm off to the gym in a while, and I am still really enjoying it, it definitely gives me a bit of inner calm which helps me cope with the rest of the day. Recently though it's been so busy, I suppose everyone is all motivated after Christmas! How long will it last huh? Because it is so busy it's changed a bit, now it's difficult to escape some of the things I would have previously managed to avoid.

The machines are really close together and until now people would place themselves so there would be an empty piece of equipment between them and the next person, which is good, because sometimes people smell...I'm sorry but they do. Well it's either them or their smelly gym clothes, maybe they don't change them daily? I don't know. Then there are the people (mostly hi=airy overweight men, MOSTLY) who like to shower you with their sweat as they work out! GROSS! I mean really really gross, why do they do this, is it something they think is sexy? They all have towels with them, they wipe off the equipment but won't wipe the rivers of sweat away from their own faces!

So all this sweat results in pheromones (allegedly) and I've noticed something interesting in the gym since I went back two weeks ago, guys hitting on girls! In the gym, when the girls look like shite and the guys smell like it! I had a guy ask me if I knew how to programme the bike the other day??? I was on the treadmill! There seems to be a spring fever in the air! I suppose the place is a good way to start conversations such as "Hey you look cardiovascularly fit, how about we compare our stride while I spray my sweat all over you?" or " Wow, your ass looks so good in Lycra, I'd love to bench press you into next week". I know, I know....sad sad woman! I only tell the truth, and this is what's happening.

It's not just in the gym either, Monday night I decided to do a grocery shop in my local Superquinn, and I've never shopped in the evening on a Monday.....OH! MY! GOD! Men galore, if there are any single women out there who fancy picking up a man who knows his ricotta from his goats cheese then head down. I swear I was the only person there with a trolley, it was all singles with their little baskets (70% men) I was the freak, the only one buying kid friendly food and nappies (the only one in the baby aisle). On the other hand the wine section and the "gourmet ready meals" sections were hopping!

It's crazy, maybe cos Valentines day is coming people are panicking...."oh god, that bloody soppy day, I need a woman, quick, anyone will do?" Now you all hate me for mentioning it....I don't like it, think it's created to make money for the fascist florists who secretly rule the world, Elton John is their evil overlord! I know for some people it is the only time their partner will show them romance (in a highly organised, over done and over priced manner), but I still hate it, Oh I want my card but that's it, to me a card with a well meaning sentiment written in it is more important that a crappy meal or a bunch of evil overpriced roses (Red roses are so cliched anyway) But we all panic and we all fell like we have to be "romantic" in a very particular way, all at the same's funny isn't it!


  1. Yes the men definitely wear the same gym gear over and over again without washing it, men who run do this aswell. The smell is horendous. MY gym is still vey quiet, hardly anyone under 70 years old there at all, so there's not much hitting on anybody!
    And you know the towel they use for the equipment, I'm certain that's also the towel they dry off with after the shower, why else would they wipe the gym equipment down with a massive bath towel??!! They hardly have two of those in their bag?!!! Euughhhh grossssssss.

  2. Ash I did wonder about that...the bath towel thing....Why don't they cop on to the fact that they smell????Jesus! I wash my clothes every day, two gym oufits and I alternate....and I don't sweat as much as the men do! Why wash your body but then dress in stinky clothes......OH I feel ill, it's too early!

    Sorry to hear you've no flirting going on in your gym, mine actually seems to have a lot of men in it, and I was wondering why they weren't in work at 11 in the morning but then I remembered where I live and all the yummies have hubbies who have amazing jobs! So they seem to spend time on the treadmill and their mobile phones! Also there is a ladies only gym in my place as well but I don't go to that bit....seems a bit odd!

  3. the absolute image of masculinity and as an everyday romancer, Valentines is very difficult for me. How can I be more romantic than I already am?? ;)

    Gym = Work

    Idiot = Lazy

    Ultra fast metabolism = no need

    all in all = Thanks for the skinny body Dad.

  4. See, I told you gyms were evil. I fell asleep last night with a jumper on and was sweating like mad when I woke up - I think I've found the ultimate weight loss programme for exercise phobes like me.

  5. Home duvet-jumper sauna, I like it. Sounds like the Irish way!:)

  6. and then wrap yourself in cling film and switch on your electric'll never need to work out again...ha ha!!

  7. But you don't get the endorphin release from sweating....or being blessed with a skinny frame!

  8. I don't know, I think I'd get an endorphin release if I was suddenly blessed with a skinny frame :)