Sunday, January 20, 2008

Heroes know that things must happen...

...when it is time for them to happen (Peter S. Beagle 1939-)

Have you ever stopped to think how much better the world would be if The A-Team were real? You haven’t? Well that doesn’t surprise me to be honest. I have though.

Think about it, never in 5 years was their any situation that they were unable to talk their way out of or a problem they weren’t able to use their combined skills to circumnavigate. Whether it was the brute physicality of Mr. T, Face charming the knickers off some general’s missus or Murdoch freaking the fuck out of people as they implemented one of Hannibal’s numerous plans. Together this crack commando team were as cool as a polar bear’s balls at the South Pole. It’s a pity their unit was not allowed to live on and make the world the bohemia we wish it to be.

Picture the scene – April 2003, a warm humid day in Baghdad, the War On Terror is but a month old, already the US troops are barricaded into their Green Zone. In a Palace along the Tigris Saddam Hussein smiles safe in the knowledge that the evil invader has been beaten. The savage slaying of innocent young US inbreds and yokels serving their country is about to begin. In the distance a black and red blur appears, demolishes the exterior wall and grinds to a halt to the amazement of Sunnis and infidels alike. The door of a GMC van opens, out of the settling dust emerges an image of infinite terror sending Iraqis and Americans fleeing never again to raise arms against each other. Another savage situation quelled without need for the firing of a single bullet or the loss of a valued life.

Fast forward 5 years, again a country is in disarray. One of its great heroes has been fallen. The evil head of the regime, with his legoesque wig is planning the installation of a morally questionable replacement. Just as the ink is about to be laid on the contract, thus ending the great tradition of a nation a window breaks, the ultimate words of warning are uttered and all present realise the plan's up and flee in terror.

I thinking of starting a revolution. The only problem is, despite watching too many hours of the the box set I’m fucked if I know how anyone got in touch with them.

Answers of a comment please…………


  1. I frequently think what life would be like if TV characters were real and roamed the earth. Thought I was the only one actually.

    Heroes, Dr. Who, Fawlty Towers. Not Father Ted though. That would be too close to reality.

  2. It gives me pleasure when an idea like this forms together.

  3. Can I just point out that The A-Team are a country mile ahead of your Heroes, Dr Who or Fawlty Towerness.

    Who'd want to live in a world where Dr Who was real...for the love of

  4. Lots of machine gunning, and no-one ever gets hurt...

    Most romantic moment ever - Murdoch is temproarily blinded and Hannibal has to land the plane - it's very tense, and Murdoch says 'Be ma eyes, Captain, be ma eyes' in an intese, pleading voice. Magic! Murdoch was the best.

  5. Not to be pedantic but I think it was Face that was in BB.

    Murdoch is now the voice of a million cartoons in the States. I bet half the little people we know listen to him everyday without knowing his great acting pedigree

  6. you're right. I misread the original comment. Please accept my sincerest apologies.

  7. It's ok, The Face forgives....

  8. He's Johnny Bravo for one and is in Spiderman and a few others.