Excellent, I have your attention.
This is going to be my yearly emotive post. It has just gone past that dreadfully tedious time of the year that we all go through, namely my birthday(or your own,in case that was unclear). I remember when I was younger how excited I used to get, getting closer to the time of, initially, legal sex and then legal drinking. It was more fun doing both illegally.
Now I am a bit older and I don't like my birthday at all. If I was to describe myself in the basest of forms it would be as an introspective, extrovert with childish tendencies. I DO NOT LIKE GETTING OLDER.
However over the past couple of days and months I have noticed a change in how I look at things. The smallest things have more meaning and I find myself absorbed by a wide variety of mundane everyday occurrences and images. Now I am not going soft or anything, there are still things which really piss me off ie: The new college student. For eighteen years he has been known as Jayo and lived in a shed on the corner of Sheriff Street. Now he suddenly talks like he has golf balls in his mouth, bulldog clips attached to his bollox, a "how to speak like a D4 person" tape stuck up his arse and only answers to the name James.
Anyway, small things like an old person shuffling off the luas, being shoved and jostled every step of the way now brings a pang of both pity and anger. I wonder whats happening inside their head? "Fuck ya's I will take me feckin time" or "Oh I wish these people would stop pushing. The pain in my leg is to much to bear". Then there is the massively built unkempt excon looking guy who reaches out an arm and asks the old person if they need a hand. AAAhhhhh. Today Walking home there was a couple holding hands and the way they held hands just looked so comfortable and practised that it made me smile. The cold mornings when life seems worth staying in bed for are awful, but as you trudge through the wind and rain and hear the daft tweeting of some strange yet happy bird, you cant help but smile. There are so many that the post would be long and tedious so I will stop there.
So whats this all about? Have I just become more aware as I have grown older? heehee. Is there something lacking in my life that I seem to see elsewhere? Nope I don't think so.
In my opinion it is the fact that I have had the opportunity to live this life for a few years. Lets be honest it's not the most wonderful time to be alive. We are like ants scurrying about from day to day ,working, sleeping, eating etc. We spend so much time in routines that the days, months and years keep going by faster and faster. It is my realisation of this that has allowed me to see things a lot more clearly, to enjoy small moments and events, to get whatever pleasure or satisfaction I can out of every given day.
I was having lunch with Shanachie today and he was chatting with a guy on the phone. This guy is a freelance something or other and is going to Costa Rica for three weeks to teach English. This is something he does regularly. I would love to be able to do that. However it is not a financially viable option for me. Ouch.
This is the problem. I am not wealthy. Neither am I poor. I am surviving month on month without to much stress or strain. Our ant society thrives on money. It has become the be all and end all of a lot of peoples existence. There are so many things I would like to do. Travel, write, paint, build schools in Africa, climb a huge mountain but feel tied to my 5 day working week in order to survive. Maybe I am moving towards a time where I can do more of these things, where I am not locked into the hive mind of our money loving ant society, and that would be nice. Thinking outside of the hive is a good start :)
Sooooooo, apologies for the strangeness just nice to have somewhere to jot this shite down :) xx oo and a massive Z