Monday, February 18, 2008

Pain is the...

...root of knowledge (Simone Weil)

I have been hit by an affliction I have never suffered before, one I have taken the piss out of time and time again, doubted its existence, laughed at, but one I know understand fully the severity of...nipple rash.

Let me present to you what happened. I went to see Bohs play Burnley in a pre-season friendly on Friday. I got talking to a lad I know who works up there who kindly gave me a free polo and sweatshirt in return for a favour I can do him in work. The sweatshirt is lovely and warm and will keep me comfortable on many the cold night. The polo shirt is a bit shit and is a shade of red that even the proudest Commie wouldn’t wear on a day out in Tiananmen Square. Problem is that at an ungodly hour on Sunday as I crawled out of bed to go to work it was on the floor, ripping the plastic off it I set off for a short shift in work unbeknownst of the pain I was about to inflict on my right tit.

About an hour into my day I realised that the Bohs logo on the shirt was grazing terribly on me nipple, it was really fucking sore, so much so that I couldn’t wait to get home to change. Problem is my boss rang offering me a ludicrous amount of money to do a ludicrously small amount of work. Thus my two hours of suffering became 9 and my nipple became the size of a snooker ball and is a shade of illuminous red so great that I’m afraid to walk around with no top on for fear that an Aer Lingus plane will land in the garden.

I’m in need of advice – Ash I’m looking at you, with your running background you must have some?


  1. I laugh so much (ILSM), while also cringing in squeamishness (CNS). Watch out for those Boh's tops. No advice other than a bit of cream. I scrathed under my arm while asleep Fri night and had to wear a giant plaster the last few days, then the plaster residue takes ages to go away. Anyway.

  2. Goodness me. You should have put a plaster on it! I'd recommend Hypercal cream - it'll sting at first but it heals stuff up v quickly.

  3. I have some Avent nipple cream for breastfeeding mums, you're welcome to it if Jo's treatment doesn't work.

    Tho I'm sure any women in your home might think it a bit odd.

  4. It's payback for wearing a Boh's top.....

    The bad news is that it happens to men a lot who run and they can end up bleeding and everything...eugh. I've seen men finishing marathons with bleeding nipples, bleeding under their armpits and where their legs rub together. It's a million times worse when it rains.

    Vaseline works (there are other creams you can get on a roller ball that work too) and you can get little polo mint shaped plasters specially for this that will look really weird under your top!! Plasters are only good if you don't have a hairy chest though...

  5. Ew. I'm sadly familiar with the horror of thigh rub on a hot day - but bleeding thighs and armpits? God. Suffering for your sport, eh?

  6. Ha, yeah, I can add Bio Fem and Lansinoh cream to Polka's offer. we'll have you breastfeeding from it before you know it :)

  7. Hydrocortizone cures all!

  8. oooohhhh! Painful....cabbage leaves only thing that ever helped when my boobs were sore!

  9. Had the same experience with an American Football replica top many years ago and it was the chestal equivalent of being kicked in the nads.

    Might be with Ash though, just don't wear Bohs tops ;)

  10. Firstly - there ain't nothing wrong with wearing a Bohs top or in fact the top of any eircom League side, with obvious exception to the homeless scum that are Shamrock Rovers.

    Secondly - thank you for your responses, some of which have been taken onboard with the result that my nipple is somewhat better and the Gracci will be dining on cabbage and bacon tomorrow.