I love this photo....it makes me smile, also makes me feel all squishy inside, see why I'm getting my tubes tied...? Even with all of my knowledge of how much babies and children have changed my life, I still get that feeling when I see a baby! I know! I know! I know it's totally biological, I know I am programmed to feel this way, to want to reproduce......I am aware of the biological implications and reasons but I still feel that leap in my tummy when I think about having another baby!I had an awful time on my pregnancies, I suffered with PET, quite a serious complication of pregnancy, baby or mummy can die, but even with those terrible pregnancies I would do it again in a heart beat, the desire to reproduce, and the feeling of growing a unique and tiny little person in my tummy totally blows me away, more so as I get older and my son (nearly 10) becomes a real independent person, I see them develop into little people, and they are all so different it blows me away!
So today I had a shock, an incredibly good friend of mine, someone I love very much told me she has met her soul mate, I couldn't believe it, he's not available, she has been married for 8 years, but has no children and she said, "I'll give up everything, my lifestyle, money, house everything, to be with him, and I asked her one question, " can you see yourself having his children?" I would love to have his children"! Once she said that I knew, I knew what she felt was real, she has never felt like that before!
Ok, Mad rant, I know, but I am struck by what love is....is it a biological trick? are the people we really fall for the ones we are biologically the most compatible with or is there something else? I am fascinated to know what people who do or don't have children think!
I struggle with the baby thing. As a teenager I never babysat because I just didn't get kids and wouldn't even do it for the money. Now, I guess I'm a bit better with them but I still feel no urge to have children. I understand that maybe I'm a bit young and this will come with time. It better, my boyfriend is hugely pro-baby and would be a great dad.
ReplyDeleteAs for the biological trickery - I do think that ultimately our subconsious chooses our partners for us, it's not random, it's kismet!
Voodolady, I've a friend who felt the same as you, and her mother told her it would come, and it's totally different with her own children. She's thirty now and she says she does feel totally different about it all.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I firmly believe that if you don't want to have children, it's a wonderful thing to do to not have them! Overpopulation, etc - if you don't want them, grand!
I saw a psychologist on Oprah saying that we choose the people in life who will play out the internal dramas that were established by our own parents. We choose the people who will push our buttons - and that romantic attraction is a chemical trick, to get us firmly committed romantically before we start being pissed off by the actual habits we've chosen our mates for!
- I didn't mind the way my husband mutters, or notice the noise my husband made when he eats for quite some time, and by then it was too late...
The positive aspect to this was that your man saw marriage as an incredibly proactive opportunity to work through those issues that are your own, together, tinking that we choose the people we will play out our conflicts with, and resolve them. I love this idea, and agree with it completely - but it's bloody hard! And requires an awful lot of self awareness and work.
I understand nothing
ReplyDeleteOf what I said, or of love in general??
ReplyDeleteVoodoo....Kismet? You romantic fool!
ReplyDeleteI am so cynical....I think it comes down to a series of biological processes! Cynics of the world unite!
Our bodies fools us into thinking we are "in love", and sometimes when it's all died down there is enough common ground to keep couples together?
WEll, obviously, sometimes htere is, sometimes there isn't. You might find that it's the relationships that are based on soemthing other than just passion that endure, if that's not stating the obvious.
ReplyDeleteMy godparents have been together through a lot, are still together and are quietly, solidly in love as far as I can see. I think their secret is more to do with who they are themselves as much as what they have together, but I'm sure there's a lot I don't know about. It's easy to make assumptions about other people's relationships.
I think enduring mad passion is an added bonus. I don't think everyone's built for it.
JM - of anything.
ReplyDeleteMidge - I do often wonder of the sense of why attraction, as such a strong emotion, can be based on the utmost trivial thing. What does that say about humanity? I could be the product of unions going back years because someone liked a ribbon they were wearing that day; they liked their name; they liked the colour of their hair or skin; etc, etc. It happens all the time and it seems so trivial.
OH god....I still have no idea, apparently it's different for everyone I suppose, maybe some of us are more or less slaves to biology and others aren't?
ReplyDeleteOH god....I still have no idea, apparently it's different for everyone I suppose, maybe some of us are more or less slaves to biology and others aren't?
ReplyDelete