Forgive me if I am lax over my blogging for the next few days, my baby is one tomorrow (4Th April) and I am 35! Yummy, birthday in my house means chocolate cake for breakfast!
I am delighted that my son is one, it's been one hell of a year, and I see him being a year old as being a rite of passage, we all survived!
I am not so delighted that I am 35......I remember when my parents were 35! And they were OLD! I know I should look at my 34Th year the way I look at my sons first year. I began it giving birth (naturally) to a 9 pound 10 ounce baby boy! The year went downhill from there! I separated from my partner of 16 and a half years, who'd been my best friend since two days after my 16Th birthday when we met for the first time (we'd spent hours on the phone for weeks before that), My life changed in such a profound way, and I had to cope. I know I haven't always done too well at times, I've slipped into self pity and angst, but all in all I think I've done well, I'm not in denial as to what happened to me, it is part of my life but I am moving on with my life.
This year I learnt I was an exceptionally strong woman, a better mother than I'd ever believed and capable of keeping my head when I just felt like I was melting. I dated for the first time, scary, but fun. I met a lovely man, I fell in love for the second time in my life.... (that's a scary thought) I went away to a hotel for a (lets face it) dirty weekend with my new man....only ever been places with one guy before that!My children are getting to know my new partner and his children, I'm in a position I never thought I would be in....I would have thought if I was single again I'd just be single...forever!
So 34 was bittersweet, in one way it was the worst year of my life so far, hopefully it won't get worse than that, but life is a bitch! In another way it was a year of new beginnings and fresh starts.
Tomorrow I am 35, not even half my life over.....I am gonna live every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute and every second the best I can, we never know when it's gonna change and the rug will be pulled out from beneath us, even if it's a mundane boring rug, it's still what we know. In future if my rug is pulled out from beneath me it's gonna be a priceless vintage art deco rug of my own creation!