Yesterday myself and the three bambinos went to Borders in Blanchardstown for a bit of a shop and a cup of coffee. Pretty normal Saturday afternoon activities I suppose? It was except for one little thing, we had arranged to meet the kids dad, my ex husband and his lovely girlfriend there. Why am I talking about this here? What another post about Midge's marriage breakdown? NO!
I want to share this here, you guys have been with me (and my ex) every step of the way and now here we are in a place I never thought I'd see.
I want to let people share in the fact that it is possible for happiness after heartbreak, maybe help someone else out there who is going through the pain and uncertainty that we experienced last year?
Now I know we are very lucky, we both get on well with each others partners, we are both comfortable with seeing our kids interact with them, I think this is because both of the new people in our lives are lovely kind and gentle and we approve of the others choices. But it is great to be able to all get together, sit have a coffee, talk about what's going on in our lives, let the kids see that as a parental unit we still function (united) but that we are happy to see each other in new relationships, it's OK to like, or love the other parents new partner, in fact it's just another member of this (rapidly growing) family, another person who loves the kids and cares about them, Gosh how lucky are my kids?
Yes my family is unconventional, yes at times it is difficult, confusing and definitely tiring, but it is amazing, it is filled with love and what I hope is a lack of the egos that cause so many difficulties when people separate. But I suppose only time will tell? I do live in a land of Sunshine and lollipops sometimes, and in my head this is they way I need things to be I suppose, I just don't have the energy for negativity or bitching, I am using all my energy just living at the moment (never mind gestating!) I admit I have images of years down the road, Christmas and birthdays, extended families, blended families, separated families, whatever, that we can all be together to celebrate the important milestones in the children's lives.....am I dreaming?
I can't imagine. I've been with the same guy for 30 years.
ReplyDeleteIt's hardly the perfect situation, but you all seem to be handling it very maturely. As long as that continues, there's no reason why you can't all go on to become very healthy friends.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've seen, the kids are very lucky to have people around them that put the kids first, ahead of pettiness, ahead of ego and ahead of your own problems. Well done!
i just wanted to congratulate you on how you approach your break up and how you chose to handle it. my fiancee's ex makes his life and their daughter's hell by playing manipulative, head-wrecking games, and she doesn't put her child's happiness and well-being first. i really admire you and you ex for having such a mature relationship. your kids are certainly part of a minority...
ReplyDeletetatoca
I think you are all going at this from a very good angle, you are all putting the children first which I expect is very hard when your ex has a new partner, you want to hate them but when they are genuinely nice how can you hate them?
ReplyDeleteIf you all keep going on as you are now I can't see why it can't work in the long term, well done to you all, it can't be easy on any of you.
I'm not looking for any praise, but I just remember when I seperated from my partner I never thought we'd get to this place, I never thought I'd be able to let go of the past and accept the realities of the present!
ReplyDeleteI just want people to know there is life after seperation, even if there are kids involved, cos anyone I spoke to just wanted to tell me horror stories!!!!
But you know it's a choice, you choose to be bitter and twisted, you choose to treat your ex badly then they will treat you in the same manner, and then everything is just a vicious circle of one up man ship!
But as I said it is easy for me, my exs new partner is so lovely, it would make me some kind of a bitch to dislike her! I think it would be impossible to dislike her actually! Now I know just from talking to him that some of the girls he went out with that Inever met would have done my head in! So I am soooo happy he has met such a peach!
It's great that you can be friends especially for the children. Parents separating is hard enough on kids without them soaking up all the animosity and bitterness of their elders.
ReplyDeleteMidge I love those moments as well. When you realise you're back to a level of par and a much better place than before.
ReplyDelete