I have one memory. One fraction of a moment in which everything in my life changed. I obsessed about it for years. If only things had been different. If only I had been quicker, smarter, braver. It haunted me for such a long time.
Since this time I have made many mistakes. I have hurt those I love and I have been hurt. I have behaved foolishly and had regret. None of these later memories compare to the enormity or gravity of the original one but each have given me that little tinge in my chest. You know the one that makes you squimmer in embarrassment, regret or anger.
A week or so ago a fellow internet-head asked me what memory of my past would I change if I could. My immediate answer was NOT A THING. I then realised that I haven't thought about that moment in so long. What used to be a part of my every day reflection, is now just a memory. It surprised me. I felt a little guilty.
But there you have it. Given the choice I wouldn't change a thing in my past. It might alter my present which, despite work pressures, exams, money worries, is pretty damn good. Any ripple in the past might have a drastic effect on my life as it is.
Without wanting to sound clichéd, I have come to accept that everything that has gone before has led to this moment and I accept my past without regret.
I do appreciate how lucky am to be able to say that about my life. I know many are not in the same boat.