So ends two weeks of hell, this morning finally got the all clear on the breast lump I found.
Thank god I was a lucky one who after a mammogram was told the lump was just rogue breast tissue and nothing to worry about.
The relief that the whole family feels is immense and much as you try to tell yourself that 90% of breast lumps are benign you cannot really stop yourself going to dark places where you wonder will I get to see my babies grow etc etc, how will my husband and children carry on without me, being the extreme ones.
Other ones about coping with what to some is a horrendous treatment with no promises.
Breast cancer treatment is getting better all the time with prognosis for many very good but I didn't even know if I had the internal strength of spirit to cope with that alone.
As good as I am feeling sitting here, and I am, a all singing dancing good feeling, It doesn't take away from me that some are not as fortunate as I.
If one thing has come out of this, it is that I will be a lot more diligent about breast checking, something I only occasionally did and always half heartedly.
I urge you all check your breast's do not ignore lumps and bumps, as my consultant said he would rather see fifty people ( men & woman ) who he can say everything is fine to, than a few that he has to tell, that though it might not be fatal this will change your life.
I appreciate why some women say nothing when they find a lump, it is a scary roller coaster of worry once you step on but if like me you are lucky enough to step off the other side it is a great feeling and if sadly you are not one of the lucky ones the sooner you get your arse to the doctors the better it really is.
So get into the habit of giving them a feel, even better get someone else to feel for you, make it fun, make it quick, even make it soapy but make it a routine.
Oh and that goes for you blokes too, get checking your bits.