I'm Coming Out Part 2

When we last left Mr. Pink, he had just come out to one of his friends who decided to do a spot of match making...

"You free to go to the cinema next Thursday?"

"How about Monday instead?"

The next few days went past in a blur. When it came to actually getting ready to meet up with my friend and her cousin, I found myself in a bit of a tizzy. Was there protocol? What should I wear? Should I be there before them or arrive just on time? I decided to try not take it too seriously and just treat it as a trip to the cinema with some friends. Pity about their choice of movie, "Notting Hill".

As it turned out, I was early. It's not good to have too much time to yourself when you're nervous. Eventually my friend and her cousin (we'll call him "D") arrived and following introductions we made our way into the cinema. Afterwards we went for a couple of drinks and me and D talked non-stop. Turned out we had lots in common, liking the same television programmes, cheesey music and writing all the while my friend just sat there with a big smile on her face.

We arranged to go out again the following Friday. This time it would just be the two of us. And once again we got on famously. Over a milk shake in Eddie Rockets (you can't say I don't know how to show a date a good time!) I decided to take the plunge. I was going to ask D if he'd like to go out. Properly like. Such innocent times. Here I was, almost 23 years of age behaving like a teenager! Obviously he said yes (otherwise this would have been a pointless and rather sad posting) and our date continued, as all good dates should, with a visit to the Savoy cinema to see "Cruel Intentions". It would also be the night we had our first kiss. Once again I slipped into clumsy teenage mode. Should I make the first move? When is the right time? I was worried for nothing because when it did happen it was a perfect, fire works exploding, can't believe I'm doing this moment.

Of course, now that I had a boyfriend I started to feel more confident. And being gay was big news with Boyzone "star" Stephen Gately coming out. After only a week or so I decided I was going to tell my parents. I now turned into a human gold fish! Sitting at home with my mouth opening and closing, praying this was the right moment but with no words coming out. When it did happen, it was almost like a "Little Britain" sketch. I spent some time hovering around my mother. Normally when I did this it was because I wanted something.

"What do you want? Money?"

"No, nothing. I'm fine... Actually there's something I want to tell you."

"Hang on a second, I'll just get your dad".

Aaaaaaargh!

I was under the spotlight with a captive audience.

"Um, there's something I want to tell you. I have something in common with Stephen Gately. Apart from the fact that I can't sing... I'm gay."

"Are you sure? How long have you known? Is your friend blah* gay as well?" (*blah not his real name)

That's it? No reaction? No screaming or shouting? Not even any crying?

"As long as your happy that's the main thing. You're still our son and we'll still love you. But we won't tell the rest of the family."

Of course my mum is like all Irish mothers and almost straight away was on the phone to her sisters telling them the news. I have to say I haven't looked back since. It was only really after I came out that I started to live. I only went out with D a couple of months and there were some dubious choices in the romance stakes but now I've got an amazing boyfriend and great family and friends.

The lyrics in the song are true. I'm coming out. Let's get the party started!

I'm Coming Out Part 1

Everyone has a "summer that changed their lives". Their first boyfriend/girlfriend. Their first kiss. Their first kiss. Simple, innocent things that we all take for granted. After all, when you're a kid you expect to go to college, get a job, meet a girl, buy a house, get married, buy a dog, have kids. Right? Sometimes it doesn't always happen like that.

For as long as I can remember I always knew I was "different". I was a quiet, shy child. I didn't like sports (I have the co-ordination of a length of 2x1 so I can't kick a football in a straight line), I wasn't into girls in the same way the other boys my age were. I liked to draw, read. So that automatically made me a target for bullying. Never physical but worse, verbal.

As I got older, I found myself thinking male celebrities were nicer to look at than female ones. I didn't know why. In some ways my childhood was quite innocent.

When I finally did make the realisation that I was gay, I tried my best to ignore it. I also probably became more introverted. Concentrating on school work. Not letting people get to close in case I let my guard down and they discovered my secret. The night I got my leaving cert results, instead of going out and celebrating with my school friends, I went to the cinema. Alone.

And that's the way it was until March 1999 and something snapped. I'd become very depressed and really didn't want to feel that way anymore. I'd read about an organisation called Gay Switchboard Dublin and eventually plucked up the courage to pick up the telephone and dial the number. The first time I rang I hung up as soon as someone answered. The same thing happened the second time. On the third occassion I talked to the person on the other end of the phone and they listened as I finally said the words "I'm gay". It was the hardest thing in the world to do but by saying those two little words, a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.

I was told about a monthly meeting run by the Switchboard called Icebreakers. It was a safe environment where people who were going through the process of coming out could meet others in the same position. Make friends and explore the scene together. And by some strange quirk of fate happened to be taking place the following night.

I went to the Icebreakers meeting and made some really good friends. I remember walking home from my first visit to the George feeling an incredible high, happy for the first time in a long time.

A couple of months later, in work, one of my friends told me about her cousin who was moving to Dublin and would be staying with her. He was a really nice guy. And he was gay. I decided that this seemed to be as good a time as any to tell her that I had something in common with her cousin. I expected her to be shocked or at least a bit surprised. Instead I got "Oh. I kinda guessed as much. Maybe we can all go out some night?" Talk about an anti-climax! "You free to go to the cinema next Thursday?"