Jesus Switch Turns On -- Off -- just WRONG

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The altar boy in me wonders ...


... should this be giving me nightmares?

Chain letter funny

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.


After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.


The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."


So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
on the door:


1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't sayhe was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Our images of deities

When at a friend's house for dinner last week (and the eventual cookout and making of s'mores), the skies finally cleared and the sun came out for a little bit. The sunshine on the leaves was one of those spiritual moments. The friend, A, was born a Muslim but is now a member of the Unitarian church, and has married a Jewish man, so she has a good knowledge of religions of the world.

As the 6 of us were standing there, admiring the leaves, A said "Forget the dead guy on a stick...that's my God right there."

Perfect summing up of how most of my friends believe.