I'm finding it extremely difficult to be positive today.....Another rainy day, kids have been off school for three weeks now. Yesterday my three month old slept for a total of 15 minutes during the day....he was grizzly and narky, then while I was preparing the tea, and he was sitting in his little bouncer he had a poo so massive it seeped out and managed to destroy the chair!! My three year old was in needy, needy mood, and she let me suffer her dark mood for the entire day, last night though I escaped for a couple of hours out to dinner with an old friend, it was lovely and I came home feeling recharged!
This morning still on a positive trip I dispatched hubby to work and daughter to Montessori summer camp thing(?) then nine year old, three month old and I headed to the supermarket, I had foolishly decided to skip the online shop this week and chance the fortnightly shop in person....remember now I have to stock up on essentials in the freezer and cupboards for my family while I'm away! My nine year old guy is a little hero and he was running around getting all the things I'd forgotten, but my bambino decided half way through the shop that it was a good time to have a total freak out, what could I do? The trolley was already 2/3 full and I still had loads to do, do I just leave the trolley in the middle of the shop, no I hug him to my shoulder, trying to restrain his mad bopping head and continued to ignore the tut tuts of the old dears and pushing the trolley with one hand while my son pulled it made our way around the rest of the shop, and then home, unloading the kids and shopping in the pouring rain.
Shopping unpacked and pizza in the oven for the kids lunch (and a scalding hot cup of coffee and Jam donut swallowed whole)(I'm at that time of the month where sugar is a food group and I don't really care if I get diabetes) I headed out with my boys to pick up my daughter, now when she comes out of "school" she's always sweet as pie, she runs out and is always delighted to see me, she gets into the car, has her drink of milk (if that's not there she freaks out). As soon as we get home she's like temper tantrum child. So today she didn't want her chicken pizza for lunch, so I gave her some of my rice which she then refused to eat, now my general attitude to refusing to eat is just ignoring it, but today she was standing in front of me and screaming in my face!
So it's the old three strikes and you're out rule, I told her if she didn't sit down and stop screaming at me that she'd have to go to the "Step (of dooom!)", three strikes, my heart is hammering in my chest, I haven't stopped since I got out of bed, and all through this the baby is grizzling and the eldest is winding her up even more, I swoop her up, out to the hall, she's all screaming and shouting, head legs, arms all flaying, I sit her down on the step and I get a full on scream of evil in my face, what do I do? Retain my dignity? Go inside, sit down tune out? No, no not today, I scream back at her (please don't comment on how this is SO the wrong thing to do, I know it is, I was kicking myself as I did it), of course this didn't solve the problem, now as I walk away she was wailing like a Banshee, I get into the sitting room, ask my son to watch the baby for a minute, all the time muttering to myself like a deranged cat woman, I slam the kitchen door, slump on to the ground and take my phone out of my pocket to call my hubby seeking reassurance of some sort!
Oh Shit! Turns out my phone had made a phone call during the tirade, it had called my father in laws mobile phone, same father in law we had a falling out with over three weeks ago , just as i looked at the duration of the call he hung up! Oh god! Like the worst person to hear my melt down! So I had to call my hubby and tell him what happened. Now I'm just waiting for the social services and the gardai to show up at my front door with my in laws and some sort of order to take the kids away.
I know it's funny and you are probably laughing at this but seriously I feel like such a jerk, and now a public jerk! Kids are upstairs now with two of their friends, running around like baby elephants, baby is asleep ( so I have 15 minutes) I'm having a coffee! Blogging! Then we are gonna make cookies and destroy the kitchen decorating them.
I'm a damn good mother, but sometimes it just seems so hard to keep up the juggling act, and I let a ball drop (thankfully never the baby though) Should I be judged by that or all the other thousands of times I get it right?
On a lighter note I've decided to take the plunge and get another tatoo done, hence the hello kitty picture, I'm thinking of a goodbye kitty image.