Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The 'oh no, I haven't blogged in ages and also I'm really bored in work' blog

You probably think from the title of this blog that I don't have anything in mind to write about in this one, and you'd be right. So I'm just gonna waffle and see where it goes. Dum-dee-dum, hmm, well one thing Ive been thinking recently is that I feel very out of place sometimes.. or something. That makes no sense whatsoever does it! Or i dunno maybe it does. Thing is for the past while I have been living two seperate lives, Jeckyl and Hyde style, well, not quite! The first involves living in a nice flat with flatmates in their 20's, a 9-5 boring job, paying bills, going pubbing, talking to people about stuff that I'm not really interested in etc. The second consists of hanging out with people of all ages (13-72), going on adventures in a dinghy, climbing haystacks, walking miles by moonlight in the wee hours of the morning, talking about the things in life that Im most interested in, making mad plans etc. Thing is whenever I go from the second back to the first I get really anxious, as if I'm going back to the wrong life. Sitting on the train my breath catches and a feeling of panic takes over and my physical surroundings feel like they are miles away. I suppose it's that thing of 'going back to reality', but the problem is its the second existence that is 'real' for me and in the first I sometimes feel like I don't belong there and I'm kinda 'acting' like a grown-up, image-wise its feels like looking at a little kid putting on a pair of high heels that are miles too big and trying to totter round in them. Only thing is I'm not a kid, I AM a grown-up so why do I sometimes feel so detached from my 'grown-up' life? Am I having some sort of mid-twenties crisis???


  1. I'm older and wiser than you, I should tell you to wakeup and smell the coffee. My advice to you is pretty much like that "Young Hearts Run Free" song, live your life, in the wonderfully alive way you do, one day your reality (with the haystack and all) will be everyday. In the meantime though be happy that you have your reality at least some of the time, most people never even realise they are missing out on life. Oh and my final advice, love is a lie, told to us just to fool us into procreating, so avoid it like the plague! Oh btw, the kids say hi :-)

  2. fitzy my new moral of 2007 is to escape to purges of the life cycle. No one can fully meet the expectations of the life cycle, in another 100 years we'll all be gone and what does it matter then if you didn't meet society's expectations. It's like Beethoven doing something in 1798 that he should have got over by 1789 - it means nothing after the passing of time. It's a step back approach. So feck society and its rules for what we should be doing.

    Ok i'm still bitter.

  3. Fitzy, do whatever makes you happy because you won't always have the option. Don't worry about not feeling like a grown up though, that's highly overrated and something to be avoided at all costs!