Saturday, February 02, 2008

Tonight I am only listening to songs called "Bones"

Well, maybe not just songs called Bones...

But Bones by The Killers, followed by Bones by Radiohead.

I love Radiohead, in an embarassing, teenage crush, hopeless fan who cries at certain songs, kind of way...

Hard to explain.

I've seen them live at what turned out to be amazingly weirdly significant times.

I've listened to the album "The Bends" a frightening number of times, I know every word of every song.

Truthfully? Fake Plastic Trees used to make me cry for about a year and a half.

I love their wistful, awkward weirdness, I love the guitar, I love the lyrics.

They make me think of a friend of mine who died in a car crash. She was amazing, a shining star, someone who I never told how I felt, someone, who still makes me sad.

Is this weird? I used to phone her voicemail long after she died, just to hear her voice.

The saddest thing anyone ever said to me was at her funeral. Her mother, when introduced to me said "Och, she used to talk about you all the time". It still makes me sad. Happy, sad. But sad.


  1. Oh that's so poignant CN2. So sorry about your friend.

    And I cry at Radiohead songs too, tends to be the Amnesiac stuff. Makes me think.

  2. I lost Radiohead - I saw them on Later last night and it was good, but I didn't know how to make the leap from this new sound back to what I know of them. I suppose the last album I really know is OK COmputer, which I ashamed at.

    It was cool to see Thom grooving away to Feist, wasn't it? I love to see performers enjoying other people's work, it seems genuine and generous somehow.

    I'm sorry about your friend. I have no understanding of how to accept the death of loved ones. Is it possible to live without missing them, without the sadness of their loss seeping into the rest of your life? A friend says yes, but then she has lived her entire life affected by the loss of a sibling in her childhood. I just don't know. On one hand I know people have to die. And on the other that thought just terrifies me.

  3. I texted my grandmother one day after she died, but that was a random thing. No shame in listening to the voicemail. I'm very afraid of death and have yet to experience a close loss to death, which makes me more afraid of when it does happen. This is all too scary.

    I don't know too much of Radiohead's stuff being a bit of a music loser these days sorry.

  4. It is lovely that you touched her life, did this teach you anything? Do you think about it now, do you tell people how you feel now? Do you worry about missing oppertuinities now? I think you learn from all these experiences! I am so glad that you are writing for us again, you are a wonderful writer!

  5. It should probably teach us all something about holding on tight to the ones we hold dear in our life, but I fear it won't. Lovely post though.