I am in a bind, it is really fucking stupid I shouldn't be posting this here, it's much more of a personal blog post! But feck it, I did four blog posts on my own blog today! It's Tuesday evening...which means tomorrow is Wednesday morning, or weight watchers Wednesday, so I am having a huge dilemma, last week I was there after being away for twelve weeks, I lost a pound. now you and I know it is just margin of error, but my leader (sich heil) said, "oh, you are practicing for maintenance?".....but now the problem is this is maintenance, I have found a way to keep my nice size sixteen curves, but not gain weight....perfect for me. But what brought me back to WW? Guilt! I love my treats and to lose more weight I'll have to give those treats up!
I like my figure, I am happy to be a sixteen.....I'm smaller than miss Ditto now, but I still aspire to her lovely curves! And her sexy happiness in herself i wish I had the balls to say, hey, I am happy being a size 16..this is maintenance, and if I want to feel smaller I'll come back but until then my wobbly thighs and tummy are my business... I like them and if my boyfriend doesn't like that then it's his problem...not mine! I have seen my mum go through agony, I have seen what the perfect body does..... no calcium in your bones so yo are so diseased you can't function....give me size sixteen curves (and saggy bits, sorry I am too honest), give me that and a man that really loves me and I'll be happy!
My boyfriend is lovely, and I adore him, but I do feel a bit huge, a bit like if I (excuse the french) but if I sat on his face I'd suffocate him....I feel very aware of my (three) baby belly and my booby boobs...it is hard to feel attractive when everything is stacked against you...And he is teeny...teeny tiny..not in the bedroom department but I think I have three stone on him if we were to wrestle....so Yo can understand, I am extremely aroused and I want to sit on my boyfriend...but I get the " will I squash him blues????" Really not good....really not attractive...makes me sad...
OK, it is 1am, I have devoured two cans of beer...and some hedonistic food! But I still feel very strongly about this...I adore Beth's confidence, wish I really shared her world view!