Hi guys, seeing as we are all talking about "Love" at the moment, thought I would share some stuff that is happening in my life. Specifically my relationship with my father. There are many different kids of love, love we have for our friends, parents, siblings, children, lover, boy/girlfriend, spouse etc..., but surely the most significant, and most necessary of all, is the love our parents have for us (and also the love we have for our own children)
Over three years ago, my marriage broke down and my wife left. She didn't just leave, I wanted her to go and she did. I was left with the kids as she was not able to take care of them as she generally had difficulty coping with stuff. Anyway, as time went by, she got her act together and we came to a 50/50 arrangement for the kids. A bit awkward for me with work and all but I really value my time with them and wasn't going to be just a weekend dad.
Over the past year or so, things have gotten quite difficult, she wants more money (I don't have anymore to give her), she wants me to just be a weekend dad (no way!), is starting court proceedings again and generally being very difficult.
My Dad is the kind of person who likes to help out and seems to need to be needed, my ex is the type who likes to ask for help a lot. Seemingly as a result of this my Dad would spend time helping her out with the kids. But not just that, the only times he would ever see the kids was at her place or picking them up from school to bring them to her. He would extremely rarely come down here in the evening to visit them. I used to invite my family down for Sunday dinner every few weeks and then I might have Sunday dinner in my Dad's place every so often and that was another way he would get to see the kids. For various reasons I invited my family down much less often and the situation arose where the only times my boys say my Dad was with their mum.
So recently I found myself in the somewhat confusing situation where I have this antagonistic and hostile ex, yet my Dad has no interest in interacting with me to see my boys. Whatever happened to a bit of family loyalty? I don't want my family to hate her or shun her or anything like that, but what about me? Am I just a silly child looking for attention?
Today I challenged my Dad on the fact that he was prepared to take my ex and the boys on a holiday to my grandaunt's farm in the North. (A bit of background info might be helpful here: I am not welcome there as I refuse to keep my marital separation a secret! Yes, I know, great old catholic Ireland still alive and well in some places). I tried to explain that that just wasn't on and at one point stated that he was either my father or her father. It wasn't long before my Dad quickly stated that he had enough shite in his life and that he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and to never call again! Can you believe that?