Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The wheels on the bus go...

Buses seem to be featuring here recently so I thought I'd give it a go. However, rather than talk about it later like Shan and Darren, I thought I would give it a go as I was actually travelling.

So good morning and welcome to my bus.

It's a pretty decent bus from a working class suburb into the city, mostly people on their way into work or college at this hour I presume from their dress. And maybe that's where this post is going.

You see I was quite shocked by the reaction I got the other day from my brief thoughts about love. I just said what I felt (admittedly a rare quality in most men) and apparently that's quite astonishing, and welcomed.

Too late, you've started me off now.

Today my thought is about where I live. My wife and I seperated as many of you know and I moved out. I insisted that she and our beautiful children stay in the family home to minimise the disruption for everyone and I would go to the only place that would have me - my parents house.

I know you're going to ask the question "well why not just move into your own place, no matter how small?" The money simply isn't there. There are still bills to be paid, a roof to be kept over my childrens' heads and that leaves almost nothing for me at the end. That's fine. It won't always be like that I hope and anyway my actual needs are fairly small. Like I said, minimise disruption.

I moved out when I was 20 in a blaze of anger because I just couldn't take being treated like a schoolchild anymore. In hindsight I was the first born and my mother had always been VERY overprotective so a clash was bound to happen when I went to college and became independent.

Now don't get me wrong, we got over that fairly quickly and got on much better when we weren't all living under the same roof. Time passed. Then in my thirties I came to find myself back home again, indefinitely, which is the hardest thing in the world to deal with right now.

There's no conflict, that's not it at all. Merely that I had been a proudly independent adult since I could be, had almost never gone to them looking for help. Not any more. Thus I try to be out of the house as much as I can. I leave early for my bus, go to work and spend my evenings either with the kids or out with friends. I come home late.

Where I live is a factor too. Like so many I grew up in a working class suburb and then promptly escaped at the first possible moment, never to come back. Well, almost never. I don't hate there, or the people, I just never fit in or belonged, was always a little different, the subject of ridicule.

So now I'm back there full time in a box room full of the things I could take when I left. I'm not looking for sympathy, far from it. To leave was my decision and I accepted all of the consequences at the time. It just struck me as something I might like to talk about, here on the bus, almost finally in town.


  1. I know what you are talking about from the parent's side.

    A couple of my kids have come home after a problem or a move of county mine came with partner's much as I love my kid's and their partner's it is hard for both side's .

    I found it hard that my kid's just went to presses and took what they wanted . clothe's everywhere and other very trivial thing's so minor that I feel silly writing this down I know it was as hard for them and I would alway's say if you need us or need to come home at all we love you and you are always welcome and this is the same as your parent's i'm sure.

  2. Well done. There's no way I could ever go back home. Too many bridges have been burned on both sides of the river for me to ever call it 'home' again.

    I have no idea what I would do if Lottie and I came to an end. I guess I'd throw myself on the mercy of my friends (I know they'd help, though I'd hate to ask). I'd like to think Lottie would allow me to sleep in the spare room for a while.

    How are your kids about the whole thing? I guess they're still quite young? When kids are involved it must make everything harder. Or maybe it's easier, because you know that everything has to be about them first and foremost.

  3. SL - keep them coming, what jumps out at me is something i've always noticed of myself but never realised it was a general theme - the whole not fitting into working class background. It probably does apply to very many.

  4. Really good post and great to see as Ash said you moblogging from the bus, it helps pass the time.

    I was engaged once and moved into a house with this girl, it was the first time ever that I had moved out, one week later we split up, to this day I have no idea why, she flipped out and became a vicious malicous cow, did me a favour in hindsight, but after one week I had to rush home it killed me, made me feel so small that I could not even last a week away from home.

    I am lucky though that Ails was and still very much is a very good mate (only surpassed by Mrs Shan) in a similar way to Daz and Daz Snr. She welcomed me back with open arms and I stayed there for a good while.

    It happened again after myself and Mrs Shan decided we would move in together, we rented an apartment with 2 others in Donnybrook, our room was on the ground floor level and ended up getting infested with Bugs of all descriptions an the room and our belonging needed to be nuked by rentakill, once again my folks came to the rescue, and offered, the 2 of us, 2 rooms upstairs that we could rent off them, we could have one bedroom as a sitting room effort and a bedroom as a bedroom, for this I am very thankfull.

    Now things have changed if I was to split with the missuses I would be fucked, not only do we have a mortgage but we also have Shan Jr, and the folks live in Carlow not great for someone who works in town, I also dont have that many mates I feel I could call on. So count your blessings SL, you are very lucky to have a place you can still call home, that you can run back to, even at your age, occasionally we realise that at the end of the day we are still someones child, that we need the same support that our kids need and that at the really we are not as independant as we think.

    Just realising reading this back I dont feel like I have sympathised at all with you quite the opposite in fact and if I sound like a wanker its not meant that way at all, if you get my drift kinda.

    Someday get that bus to go the opposite direction and get your arse out to Bray, we have a spare bed for drinks and a sleepover.

  5. Someone,
    The kids and I really appreciate the sacrife you have maade by living with your parents (and not killing them by now!) I would have done them in by day 3! Now there's a fucking great idea for big brother, adult children who have left home years and their parents!

    It most definately won't be for ever, as I hate the financial dependancy, but baby won't be starting school for 3 years, so until then I am kinda fucked for childcare, I'd need to earn 40 euro an hour to make the money to cover childcare and make minimum wage! Only one way I know of doing that and frankly I'm too old and fat!

    There is one funny thing about your post, you sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left home, I sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left....:-)

    It'll all work out in the end, I hope for all of our sakes.

  6. you sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left home, I sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left....:-)

    LMAO what a great line! this has me in stiches here.

  7. "you sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left home, I sleep in a room surrounded by crap you didn't bring with you when you left....:-)"

    Likewise - I'm laughing my arse off.

    You both seem to have a very nice amicable relationship now. Am I right? That's wonderful.

  8. I love that quote too :) Promise I'm going to move it out this weekend, swear ;)

    Darren, we do, finally. Not to pretend it wasn't hard in the start, it was, but we've worked and worked at it and at the moment we're very good. Yes, the kids are young but they're getting on well too.

    Ails I'm trying to avoid this very much. I'm conscious it's their house and after bringing us up the last thing they should have to put up with is another child back in the nest :)

    Milan, it's a theme with many people I know. Again I say I'll keep mine going if you write a few!

    Shan, thanks for the offer, I genuinely will, thanks.

    MW it will all work out in the end.

  9. want to come back for good this time aileen what ya thinking? am so excited...

  10. Mishelle, you don't warn her, she'll change the locks!

    Darren, Shan,
    I aim to please with my witty comments....I don't get to be funny very ofter but it's true, when you are over for Lima Bean Pickers Party you can see the pile of crap....

    We are getting on well, but then again when feeling and money gets involved it can be hard, but we have known each other for twenty years? It has mean a matter of taking the time to learn new ways of coping with each other, as obviously the old methods didn't work. Kids are secure and happy once we remember to act like adults and treat each other with respect, not fall back into the old patterns of our marraige.

    It also helps that we were and still are friends, we make each other laugh, we both like a good bitch and a good gossip, and the huge difference for me is now I look forward to seeing my friend Someone, I'm not waiting for him to come home so I can moan or we can row or just the mundane domestic reality of married life, we get on much better now.....touch wood, long may it last!

    It better !!!!

  11. Jaysus Mishelle, another one of the family commenting here, this place is my retreat away from you fuckers.

    Stay away.

    Hehe nice to see you commenting and best of luck moving up with the auld ones.