It's 9:40PM. I hate this time of evening...

I've never been one for sleep. If I had it my way I'd surf, work and play on the web until at least 3:30am. But I can't. It used to be worse, I wouldn't be able to sleep until 3:00am even if I went to bed. That's gotten easier as I've gotten older, I'm able to get to sleep earlier. But I still don't want to. I love staying up, I always have. I love computers, doesn't matter if I'm playing, programming, tinkering or surfing. I would often "optimise" my PC at around 11PM only to end up breaking the OS and having to spend 4 or 5 hours rebuilding it. "Oh damn, that's Windows bust....you beauty...." and I'd love every minute of it.

At 9:40PM it dawns on me that I have to start thinking about bed. And that's depressing.

When I was younger I could never get to sleep - and the more exciting the following day, the harder it got. But I could always sleep late. Maybe because I had to go to sleep - and then had to get up - that I just didn't want to do what I was supposed to. I also had ADHD. I've since read that a lack of sleep is a major contributor to children developing it or experiencing ADHD-type symptoms and behaviour (or lack thereof).

Since around the age of 23 things got worse. I still couldn't get to sleep but then oddly I started waking up earlier. So mugs and mugs of coffee during the day and a few more pints at the weekend to wind down. Kind of an odd cylce - caffiene fuelling me and alcohol wearing me out. Now I can't stay in bed for longer than 7 hours at the most. Sometimes I get 5 hours sleep or less. I know many people have it worse but this is my worst. This has been going on for a few years and nowI have hypertension. The good news is I've started getting better at falling asleep, I think, at least in the last year.

I still fucking hate it though.