Workers at some companies....

have learned that blind people can compete (Curtis Chong)

Dublin like many other cities is a place rich in characters, people we have all seen at some point, laughed, pointed or stared at. Weirdos and madsers who unite us - The Dancing Aul One on O'Connell Street, Pat Ingoldsby peddling his poetry on O'Connell Bridge, the ticket tout with only one leg who used to knock around outside The Point, Matt The Jap (RIP), Aidan Walsh...there's bound to be more. The individuals who we could have a conversation about in the pub with a bunch of people who we've never met before.

I have a new addition to add to the list - The Blind Prostitute Of Phibsboro. I never knew she existed until tonight (no not in that way!). I was at the Bohs pre-season friendly at Dalymount where I overheard a couple of lads in the queue for Leo Burdock's talking about her. Her existance has since been confirmed by a mate of mine who lives in the area. Apparently she operates above the sex shop over the road from St Peter's Church. Aren’t there such so many questions you could ask?

Everything a yearning man needs

The ultimate combination on display at our GP:



V!agr@ in a hand lotion?

Before or after the KY?

Porn of the future.

Talking With the Taxman

A chara,

I have been tardy. Lazy. I have taken my eye off the ball and I have been late one too many times.

An Irish trait? Possibly, but the taxman doesn't want to hear about it.

Monies that I have owed to him I have not paid for some considerable time.

Why not?

Laziness. Also a very naive hope that perhaps he wouldn't notice (even though I'm registered for income tax).

Guess what? He noticed.

So I've been talking to the taxman. Hes actually quite a nice fella; hes been diplomatic enough not to call me a moron for failing to file last years returns (and the year before). Hes helpful and friendly and has even told me about one or two loopholes that I can can use to minimise the pain.

In return I have put my hands in the air and surrendered. I've told him its a fair cop and hes got me bang to rights. I haven't brought up Bertie Aherns name or asked him why they aren't out hunting down the real spongers. I wouldn't like to hurt his feelings.

Stupid thing is that I've been putting all this money aside. It hasn't been spent on ivory backscratchers or Italian football managers.

I feel like Ray Davies but I don't have a stately home; just a small semi-d in North Blanchardstown.

The taxman asked me how will I pay him. With tears in my eyes was my hilarious response and hey, he even did a little giggle down the phone. I've asked him why is he so friendly?

It seems they're only friendly when you've agreed to give them their dues.

Which I'll be doing pretty pronto. And with a smile on my face. He might be a great new friend but I think he'd be an even better enemy.

Favourite worst nightmare

Good album but not what this post is about.

What gives you nightmares eh? Well, for me, it is too much food late a night and air conditioning. I know there is a lot you can read into dreams and such but I'd rather not really, especially given the weird nature of some of mine. Last night I had a particularly weird nightmare involving me living in my childhood home and never getting out of bed, a mysterious male companion called Henry (I don't know any Henrys) and my real life fella who was angered by all the time I was spending with this Henry fellow even though it was all very innocent. Henry disappeared at some stage and it was back to just me and Mr.T, we then went off for a drive and ended up getting followed by a crazy eyed killer who I would liken to yer man in that awful movie Roadkill with Paul Walker . Woke up in the middle of this in a pool of sweat and very disorientated. Damn air con!

I love when you are having a good dream and you wake up for whatever reason then fall back asleep and into the dream again! Best feeling in the world. My worst ever dream let -down - Age 10 (roughly) - dreaming my mam had bought me a new book I really wanted and looking for it the next day convinced I had really been given it. I still remember the disappointment very clearly.

993

Found this on a search for 993. It's from an arty naked woman photography type website which is quite nice, albeit ugly naked. Tried to get the 993rd image on a google search of 993, but it would only go up to 980, daaaammmn theeeemmm. You-tube just have porsches and I'm over them. Anyway, you get the picture.

Oh no, not that same old rant again..

Shan, HO (x2), Atrues, Goldenbeers - just note how you would have had zero (loser) comments on your posts if it wasn't for yours truly. I do the time, so next time I suffer the loser stamp on one of my boring rants I'm coming for you.


p.s. on home stretch now, 8 or 7 to go. Good luck. You'll well have it done by the time I get to work tomorrow, and if not I'm taking glory all for me.

Just if any one is worried

Idiot arrived OK in Spain I ain't heard no more from him since. Just in case you are all finding it hard to sleep at night wondering if he is OK.

Freedom

Another typical scene after an Israeli attack on the population (prisoners) in Gaza. Gosh surely if they had food, safety and the prospect of a future for their children then there would be less animosity towards Israel/US? In any case, worth remembering the lyrics of what must be one of my favourite songs: The Island by Paul Brady, posted below.

They say the skies of Lebanon are burning
Those mighty cedars bleeding in the heat
They're showing pictures on the television
Women and children dying in the street
And we're still at it in our own place
Still trying to reach the future through the past
Still trying to carve tomorrow from a tombstone...

Chorus:
But Hey! Don't listen to me!
This wasn't meant to be no sad song
We've heard too much of that before
Right now I only want to be here with you
Till the morning dew comes falling
I want to take you to the island
And trace your footprints in the sand
And in the evening when the sun goes down
We'll make love to the sound of the ocean

They're raising banners over by the markets
Whitewashing slogans on the shipyard walls
Witchdoctors praying for a mighty showdown
No way our holy flag is gonna fall
Up here we sacrifice our children
To feed the worn-out dreams of yesterday
And teach them dying will lead us into glory...

Repeat Chorus

Now I know us plain folks don't see all the story
And I know this peace and love's just copping out
And I guess these young boys dying in the ditches
Is just what being free is all about
And how this twisted wreckage down on main street
Will bring us all together in the end
And we'll go marching down the road to freedom... Freedom

People in Your Neighbourhood...Part 1: The Gym

Like Midge, I'm a fairly new convert to the world of "Gym". Because I'm someone who runs in the mountains I never thought I'd enjoy the sterile nature of the indoor version of exercise. I also assumed I'd get every bored. Nothing could be further from the truth, after 3 months I'm there more than ever.It's the ideal place for one of my favourite acticities: People Watching.

1. The shirt wearing seniors: yes there are men in my gym who actually wear shirts with tracksuit bottoms and trainers. It also looks like it's always the same shirt. Hardly the height of breathable-material-technology but it works for them.

2. The social club seniors. Mostly women, over 60, there for a natter and a bit of light stretching in the classes.

3. The glamour-pusses. Ten years previous they would have been gym-bunnies. They're usually blond, very toned, tanned and like to flirt with the gym instructors.

4. There are no traditional gym-bunnies in my gym.

5. The GAA-sock wearing lads. How they do anything wearing them I'll never know. They usually have the scruffiest gear that looks like it has never seen the inside of a washing machine.

6. The body builders. The only ones like this in my gym are the gym instructors.

7. The executives: these are totally unrecognisable from when they walk in in their pinstripe suits looking like Blake carrington and emerge in their shorts looking like Mr. Burns.

7. The gym-obsessive-skinnies (possibly anorexics). Flit from machine to machine and are always there. Sad.

I've just realised that as part of my Health brief I should be trying to sell this place to you, but I reckon you'd be better off going for a walk......

Rugby's Sexiest Players

As requested by HRH SL (really!), to compliment last week's post about the Bingham Cup coming to Dublin, a countdown of the 5 sexiest rugby players...

(In order of appearance) Sean Lamont (Northampton, UK), Mike Phillips (Wales international), Donnacha O Callaghan (Irish international), Ben Cohen (England international) and Barry Meegan (Emerald Warriors Dublin and current Mr. Gay Ireland).

Flinging your child out of your car

On a walk this morning, a car went through the intersection and as my eyes followed it, the whole situation became very surreal. It was like a scene from a movie where the protagonist sees himself/his dead brother/the murderer zoom by in a car. The shot goes at half-speed as the menacing face passes by in slow motion, eyes focused on you the viewer the whole time---until it goes back to normal speed and the car races down the road.

In this particular scene of harsh reality a mother was in the passenger seat of a car, holding her 2 year-old daughter in her lap. Neither of them wore seatbelts---much less was the little one where she belonged in the back seat, in a car seat. They're all laughing at something. They appear to have no idea how dangerous this is.

I was so wishing they'd been waiting at the light. Even if it pisses people off, I still prefer to go up to their car, make them pull down the window, and tell them they really need to get a seatbelt on their kid. "So the Garda won't pull you over," I explain.

I'm not riled up enough to say, "So you won't see your lovely child hurling through windscreen and out onto the tarmac to die." But dear God do I want to say it.

I have this hunch they'd look at me like I was a nutter and drive away as fast as they can. Still with their kid not strapped in.

Wow.

A trawl of the New York City radio dial on the night of John Lennons death.

Protocol for Saturday night

Still not sure who is definitely coming on Saturday to the Blog Awards. As far as I can tell it's MW, Ash, Jo, Shan, Atreus, Plasmonic, Idiot, Polka, Milan, Pinky and me. Most of us who are in the country actually!

As I said in comments below Tib would like Midge to accept on his behalf should he win, if we win group, as many as would like to step out of the shadows should go up with Midge with her speaking on behalf of us all. I'm glad you all chose her as I think it's appropriate she be the mouthpiece as one of the founder and most active members. Not that any of us are going to get anything but we have to be prepared, right?

See you all on the night!

For nine pounds in Jamaica

I have "for nine pounds" in as a google alert. Just in case anyone mentions us anywhere. One of the joys of being an overlord.

Today it threw up this. Thought you might like to see :)

Congrats to Tib

Well done Tib, he has made the final for the Most humorous post, all finalists for the longer of the shortlists can be found here.

I think that realistically means Tib you have to go!!!

minus 18

Something that gets me terribly excited every so often is looking at the side bar to see if we're on the home stretch to 1,000 and that I could be seconds away from historic glory. I can't decide between going for broke, letting someone else take it, or seeing who gets in naturally.

How easily am I entertained.

Anger Management

I am one of 'those' people. I hate bad service, incompetence, laziness and general disregard for other people as human beings.

It is so annoying to pay good money for a product/service and not get what you paid for. My family has been involved in the service industry all my life so perhaps I get a bit more peeved than others about bad service. I have sent back food and demanded a full refund, walked out of places after giving a drinks order when the goods haven't come promptly, refused to tip bad wait staff and THEN SOME. I am a force to be reckoned with - don't go out with me if you get embarrassed by confrontation! My other half is a lot more live and let live......I'm sure he thinks I go over the top some times but I think there are too many people, especially Irish people who let things slide. 'Ah, sure it's grand, I don't want to cause any hassle' - - Noooooooooooo

Anyway, that is really just my pet peeve, what REALLY gets my goat is workplace incompetence, be it within the company I work for or outsiders I deal with on a daily basis. In my last job, one of the lads used give me awful abuse for my 'angry hands' - when I'm really blowing my top I tend to wring my hands, while launching a tirade of abuse about whatever is annoying me to my fellow co-workers (poor things). I get so angry, it just bubbles up inside me, people who don't call back, people who won't take responsibilty for their work, who blame others for their mistakes, it's so frustrating!

For me, the absolute worst as an employee is when you are unable to do your job efficently because the company you work for is too tight/lazy/useless to provide you with the resources and then has the nerve to ask you why you are not performing to targets!

This is why I need to run my own business folks, or else just maybe get myself enrolled in some anger management classes.

Short Post 3: Heels

I have a pair of shoes with a small heel, but they are heels of power. They make a sound like they're 10 inch heels and I feel 25% more feminine when I walk in them, and generally feel like a more powerful person when I hear the sound of my heels.

Yay for Dustin!

Jaysus! He's done it at last. Tried to run for president several times to no avail, pledged to bring the Dart to Dingle with no success but in May he will be Ireland's entry in the Eurovision song contest and well done!

Well, I think it's brilliant, isn't the Eurovision such a load of pretentious rubbish? The prospect of Dustin even being in with a chance had some people horrified; what about all the real talent that will go unrecognized? we will just be a laughing stock!! Talent? Hellllloo? A laughing stock, hardly, if Dustin wins, and it looks like he will, it will be us that's laughing, and sure why not, the whole Eurovision thing is a complete farce any way, might as well just take the piss and have fun!

How cold is too cold?

Last week we had some ridiculous weather...



People talk of how great it is to have Spring at last. All of the warm jumpers and cardigans have vanished from Dunnes, to be replaced by shorts and t-shirts. Is it all because everyone is taking vacations to better places?

As reported by my handy thermometer, it was -0.2 degrees Celsius that morning. For days, we gaze out of the rear bedroom upstairs and see frost draped across all of the grass, the tops of houses, everything you could see. Not quite as wonderful as, say, a healthy snow-fall, but still pretty out-of-character for what we usually see.

It's been said that Ireland will become the new Mediterranean as global warning (nay, climate change) goes its course. If it's truly to take place, it must be planning to be just as unpredictable then as it is now.

Where is everyone today?

Hello.....lo.......lo....lo

I there anyone there...........there...........there.

Milan Survey/Rant #1: Speed vs Quality

When it comes to technology, what's more important to you, high quality or high speed?

I'm in the speed camp. It seems to me that when it comes to technology, progress over the last decade has been in inverse ratio to speed. High definition, digital picture, blu-ray, plasma, LCD, etc, etc. It's all well and good but what's the point when it takes years to work. I converted very late to DVD recorders, then quickly gave up on them because they drove me bananas with the slow load up time and all round general slowness; so I'm back to the video recorder. We recently got digital telly, and again the slowness would make you want to put your head through a wall, so I just watch on analogue, even though this is now poorer quality than before. Why do technology designers think efficiency doesn't matter. It does, it's paramount. Poxy feckin designers.

p.s. Queen Rania has nothing to do with this post but it is my duty as chief consort to always associate myself with beautiful women in your memory.

How very cool is that.

Sorry I aint been blogging much lately but I have been very busy doing a little favour for the Blog Awards which I hope you will all enjoy. Talking about Saturday how cool was it for me to see Mulley put up a post solely about one of our own, yep Midge hit the news today and I would say her hit rate has gone sky high because of it.

Keep up the filth my dear we all love it.

Saturday approaches

Hi all. Housekeeping. So who's coming on Saturday night? I, of course, will be there in the background to cheer you all on. And are you coming masked or unmasked?

I hear Tib and Milan are absenting themselves. Told you :)

And we've decided it's Midge and Jo to accept on the very off chance.

The first thing that you should do when you win an Oscar....

…is thank God. The second thing you should do is forget it. The third thing you should do is call your agent and tell him you need a job (Rod Steiger 1925-2002)

Outspan’s only gone and won a fucking Oscar. I genuinely feel a massive sense of pride having heard this. Doesn’t he just strike ya like the type of guy who you’d see lashing Buckfast into himself on Stephens Green on a Saturday night frequently stopping to share it around.

Here’s the performance of the song….

And the acceptance speech….

Fair play to DDL for his award too, another example of a man being British when achieves something but being Irish when he fucks up. God bless the world’s media.

Beauty model: the new oxymoron

At what point did it stop being important for models to be good looking. I know it's a free world and everyone's beautiful on the inside blah blah but you would think that professionals who get paid trillions to model would have a small bit of prettiness to them. Was watching Jonathan Ross the other night and Agyness Deyn - model of the year at some point - was on. I'd never heard of her before but it made sense all of a sudden why that junkbag Kate Moss is still getting gigs all these years later, it's because all the new supermodels look either pre-pubescent, androgynous, famine-stricken or just ugly.

Anytime I flick past America's Next Top Model I'm always surprised at the plainness of the contestants. Then there was yer wan who won the other year who had this almighty gap between her teeth. 100 different poses and all you could see was the gap.

There are still loads of very good-looking people in films, music, television, and even politics, so why did the fashion world decide to a Coen brothers on aesthetics?

Fashion: century after century, it's still new clothes for the Emperor.

Close to 1000 :o

Gosh, you guys are busy bees! I hope, by entering this post, one of you will get the adrenaline working seeing it is now very close to the 1000th post.

I don't have much time at all, hence not blogging much. I fail terribly at even doing small things like reading my personal emails during the week. Well, for the last 3 weeks that's what's it been like. Come Monday (oops, it *is* Monday in my part of the world) I should have a lot more time as I am no longer doing two people's full time duties.

In times like these I wish I could carry a camera around. I am sure I am being tested, and I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out I *am* being filmed... Some things are just too strange to just "happen". Like getting a nasty sandwich from the vending machine from work at 9 PM. The first sandwich gets stuck. No worries. More money in.
Second sandwich - gets stuck too. Angry. Angry. Hungry! Shakes machine. No result.
Hits return coin button. All money back. Inputs money again and tries for the third time. And Voilá!!! 3 sandwiches for the price of 1 :)

I love you

I love to blog...in particular I love to blog here in this community ( forget group) blog, I feel like my family are here, I love to talk about something that rubs me up the wrong way here, cos i know my friends on the blog will tell me if i am right or if I have totally over stretched the mark!

This blog is nominated in best "group" blog......come on..that's a load of rubbish, there is no group, is there? we are a random group of people, around about the same social and democratic groups but we are so different, what we write about is different and what we want from blogging is different, we are all unique individuals, single, married, in relationships, celibate, living alone, house share, living with family, all of our life experiences are different but we are a village.

We are the anti nuclear family, we are totally the anti modern society concept of family, a lot of us have never met, but that is what we all are, family!

Life is so short guys, do not waste time, I know I did, thinking my life was so boring it would stay the same for years, never saw the positive aspects of my life at that time! Jeez, totally misjudged that! So Forgive me for being needy but I'll never give up this support network, this blog is so important to me, I have made some amazing true friends through this blog, friends I will never let slip!

Compliment or Complain? (aka the case of the hungry cabbie)

I'm sitting in the jacks of a pub last night staring at the ad on the door. Its for the Taxi Regulator. It gives email addresses and a phone number to contact them if you want to compliment, or complain about a taxi driver.

I wonder how many people compliment them?

"Yeah, is that the taxi regulator? Great. I just want to say fair play to me taxi driver last night. He was dead on and he let us stop for chips on the way home. Can you pass that onto him?"


A taxi driver told me a deadly story last week. He had collected a fare from town heading out to Ballymun. The couple looked a little bit suss but it was a quiet night and he needed the cash. They ask him to stop at a chipper along the way, and they both get out to buy their grub.

Grub purchased they head back into the taxi and up to Poppintree. They then realise they've no money, but they offer to run into the house and get some, and they leave the food in the taxi as insurance.

Well.

This taxi driver was so hungry (and these two customers had been pissing him off so much) that when the couple went into their house, he drove off at full speed till he got out of sight from the estate. Then he parked up and ate their food. He says it was delicious.

Whisper, whisper, whisper...

Ok, gay men may have the upperhand to their staight counterparts when it comes to fashion and women but when it comes to movies and television programmes, well, we'll watch any old rubbish!

For all those pining over the death of "the OC" and the general shiteness of "One Tree Hill" and "Hollyoaks", comes "Gossip Girl". Sure to be this year's must watch hangover television, "Gossip Girl" revolves around the social lives of teenage socialites in a New York private school. Think "Cruel Intentions" style and bite crossed with "Dawson's Creek" angst. It's coming soon to TV3 which means it'll probably be dropped after a week in favour of a repeat of "I'm A Celebrity" from 3 years ago!

Dance Your Cares Away

In early 1983, shortly after work had finished on the final season of "the Muppet Show" and the under-rated movie "the Dark Crystal", Jim Henson devised a series which he hoped would help bring peace and harmony to the world's children through music and fun. That series? "Fraggle Rock".

Through the hole in the wall and down the tunnel, hidden from everyday reality are brightly lit caverns filled with wonderful creatures. This land bound together by magic is called Fraggle Rock. The most notable of the creatures who live in this beautiful place are the Fraggles. Each episode follows the adventures of five main Fraggles, adventurous Gobo, gentle and caring Mokey, the undicisive Wembley, morose Boober and sporty Red. The Fraggles spend their days laughing, playing games, splashing around in the pond, singing and eating Doozer sticks.

The Doozers are the "Bob the Builders" of the series. Tiny creatures who build beautiful crystal structures which the Fraggles have a habit of eating. They forgive the Fraggles though because if they didn't eat their constructs, the Doozers would run out of space to build.

The third main species living in Fraggle Rock are the Gorgs, three giant creatures who try to catch the Fraggles. The Gorgs, Ma, Pa and Junior are the last of their kind they believe that they are the rulers of the Universe. The Fraggles often enter into the Gorgs garden to acquire the radishes which are the Fraggles main food source.

Gobo also has to venture into outer space (our world) to collect the weekly postcard from his explorer uncle, Travelling Matt. The Fraggles have access to the human world through the hole in the wall of the workshop belonging to inventor Doc and his trusty dog Sprocket who tries in vain to draw his intention to the furry invaders. Scenes in Doc's workshop bookend each episode. (As "Fraggle Rock" was an international co-production, in the UK the workshop was replaced with a lighthouse and the lighthouse keeper was played by Fulton MacKay of "Porridge" fame while in France it was set in a bakery).

The efforts of the inhabitants of these worlds to get along together form the core of "Fraggle Rock". At the time Jim Henson said

"What the show is really about is people getting along with other people, and understanding the delicate balance of the natural world..."

"...Everything affects everything else, and that there is beauty and harmony of life to be appreciated".

It's a message that still resonates today, 25 years later.

Jesus Switch Turns On -- Off -- just WRONG

Over at Gizmodo they've found the ultimate accessory for the home of any discerning pedophile.

The altar boy in me wonders ...


... should this be giving me nightmares?

I need a friend!

This is Kate Nash.

She is a singer I really like.

I have two tickets for her gig on Monday night in the Olympia.

I have nobody to go with me .

I am so desperate to go, and I hate going alone that I am asking the blogesphere to help.....

I am bad at asking for things, but I'm changing that, so here goes....

If there is anyone out there in nine pounds land or beyond who fancies seeing Kate Nash on Monday let me know, the cost? Well a couple of beers and listening to me singing totally out of tune!

Interested?

Award time

No, not the blog awards, the oscars!

Being a bit of a movie buff, I love the Oscars. I'm not dedicated enough to stay up for them usually as I need my beauty sleep but I am a slave to the internet the following day. Who needs to stay up half the night when you have you tube and perez hilton?

You'll catch the full list of nominees here http://www.oscar.com/nominees/.

My personal hopes are for

Best Actor - Johnny Depp
Best Supporting Actor - Tom Wilkinson (I have adored him since Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Best Actress - Ellen Page
Best Animation - Ratatouille
Best Picture - June/Michael Clayton

Roll on the 24th!

Confession time part 17: Robert Palmer

It's that time again. Three Hail Mary's for my sins. This one's been on my mind to write a long time.

I have a secret passion for the music of Robert Palmer. But not a normal interest, passing fad, or embarrassing infatuation. I have a sacred & spiritual emotional attachment to his love songs.

Everyone has love songs that they adore, many for nostalgic reasons; Frank Sinatra and 50s Hollywood is rife with it. But for me, Robert Palmer's music has emotional depth in a completely different league; at least 100 times stronger and more moving than any other music. The emotion it inspires in me is at some level for deeper and sacred than any I've experienced in real life. And it's not even from any past associations.

For this reason I'm very grateful to have it and very protective of it. I don't know if anyone else has music that moves them so.

Judging heart-felt posts

Finally, a way to decide if you should read the post you fear is going to get your dander up!



However, I'm not sure if animated GIFs work in here or not. You may be able to get it to be animated (cough) by clicking on it, though. (How could that possibly be dirty?!)

Greetings from your new Prime Minister

Wow...

I'm obviously delighted to have been "appointed" to the position of Prime Minister of 49£land...

It saves all of that campaigning, voting and democratic process malarkey...

I would like to thank our Monarch, Someone Living - and wish him well in what will now clearly be a titular role with no significant powers and a mainly ceremonial presence at major 49£ events.

As Prime Minister, clearly, there will have to be a number of changes in the way that both the citizens and tourists of this blog behave.

Firstly, I will be resigning my position in the Lima Bean Fields to pursue full time the Head of Government role that I have been appointed to...

Secondly, as Prime Minister, I've had a look at our finances here in 49£land - and frankly we are not in the world's richest country list.

So, in an effort to generate a suitable revenue stream, there will now be a standard fee per post...

If you are writing a post, you will be expected to pay a fee of 5c per word, with puns and self referential phrases, charged at a rate of 20c

So, far example, if you were Tiberius, your most recent post on nipple rash, qualifies almost entirely as self referential, therefore the 310 words are charged at the 20c rate. This would generate revnue of approximately E60. Which is approximately E60 more than has been generated by this blog so far.

Clearly however, it is not just the writers who will have to support this blog, obviously those reading also have an obligation. I am proposing a flat fee of E5 per visit, with an unlimited number of page views per visit. Again, comments clearly come under writing and are typically self referential, so all comments will be charged at the 20c rate.

I project that this new revenue model would generate somewhere between E63 and E3000 per day... This will enable significant improvements to both my lifestyle and His Royal Highnesses Palatial Accomodation.

However, we project there will also be some funds available for a Health Service.

Welcome to the Brave New World of 49£

Please enjoy your visit and make sure to pay before you depart

Thanking you

Love me, desire me, feed me with your longing

As chief consort it is my honour to seduce all subjects of the Kingdom of my Lord.

It is your duty to adore and worship me,
man or woman,
noble or peasant,
(although if you speak of this publicly your Lord will hang you from the rafters; twice monthly on a Tuesday).


Of course you cannot help but succumb to the power of my beauty and charms.


The magnetism of my presence is enough to draw a crowd wherever I tread.


Legend has it that Venus favoured me above all others with Grace and Elegance.


And although, naturally, my sexual attraction has conquered many a realm;


the seduction of my innocence has won twice as many hearts.


However, Fate has not blessed me so, without ambition to match;
and of course I am consort to the most powerful man in Blisstonia.
But little does he know this is just a step on the ladder to ultimate domination for me.
I already possess superlative physical qualities, and it is only fair that I use my skill for the greater good of my people.

Don't cry for me lima pickers. One day soon, you will know the ecstasy of life in a Milanocracy.

The reluctant non-meat eater...

I don't eat meat.

It was an accident many years ago. Had a dodgy bit of ham one Sunday, decided to not eat meat for a few days, which turned into 15 years.

I didn't mean for it to happen and never wanted to be a person who doesn't eat meat and so was always a bit embarrassed about it.

You will note that I don't use the word vegetarian. When I order veggie option, the line always goes "are you vegetarian?" and I respond "I don't eat meat". The majority definition for vegetarian involves someone who doesn't eat meat because of interest in animal welfare. And because I don't have that interest I don't give in to the term.

It's the idea of eating meat that makes me feel sick so I can't eat non-meat that looks like meat, hence Linda McCartney food just defeats the purpose for me. I'd rather eat soup with invisible meat stock than a veggie sausage.

I still like the smell of meat though.

Aileen

As my first action as your supreme, unchallenged and uncontested perpetual ruler I'd like to campaign for a moment. Not for me, obviously! Perish the thought.

No. My intention is to instead allow you a moment to express your love and hope of joining our beloved state, to Aileen.

Aileen. Mother to our own Shan and Id, frequest commenter, and, as this recent photo testifies, all round hottie.

She wants to be one of us. She is one of us. All she needs is your love and encouragement, in the comments below, to take that final step and jump on board the good ship 4nine£ and sure wouldn't she bring a bit of timeless glam to our group at the bloggies?

Aileen? We loves ya.

The king is dead, long live the...

Welcome, fellow Lima Bean Pickers, to a glorious day in the history of 4nine£. One has, after much thought, decided that our little enterprise needs to be taken to the next level. To that end, one hereby declares us an independent state.

To this end, one, as your monarch and supreme serene and lifelong ruler, appoints each of you to a cabinet position in this new world order.

If you are unsatisfied with your new position then tough. After all, there is no "i" in benevolent dictatorship. Well OK, there's 2. But you get the idea.

Step forward:

Mossienolonger - Poet Laureate

Mr Pink - Minister for Alternate Lifestyles/Home Improvement/Sci-Fi (it's a broad portfolio)

Midget Wrangler - Minister for Sexual Innuendo

Jothemama - Minister of Food & Parties (preferably at the same time)

aquaasho - Minister for Health

Voodoolady - Royal Ambassador to the Southern Hemisphere

Idiot - Fictionaliser of the King's History

Atreus - Defender of the Royal Firewall

plasmonic - Minister for Science (with special responsibility for building the UFO to Blisstonia)

Tiberius Gracchus - Court Jester

Conformist No. 2 - Prime Minister

Milan Adenauer - Royal Consort/Eye Candy

PolkaDot - Minister for Media (starfucking sub division)

goldenbeers - Keeper of the Pop Culture Archives

Shanachie - Royal Photographer

dolly - Royal Ambassador to the European Mainland

That is all.

Sorry

I'm going to leave the comments up rather than just deleting the post, because I think they're important. I made a huge error in judgement in posting about something that is such a flashpoint and I regret having done so. I recognise that while people have posted personal posts in the past, the qualitative difference is that they didn't involve anybody else.

Same time, different sky

Thought of you all when I was at the bus stop early this morning. Same time, different sky.

The Ghost of Jeremy Beadle

I just pulled a great practical joke on a friend of mine. It involved two hours of waiting outside his house, three cars, two people hes never met before waking him up from his sleep and it culminated in him trying to call the Special Branch to speak to a detective while also trying to assault one of the strangers with a green wheelie bin.

However, as the aftershocks of this incredible gag are still causing worry and unease I'm afraid I can't tell you any more. At least until the next meet up.

Rest assured though fellow Lima Bean Pickers. It was PRICELESS.

Gay men don't like sport. Or at least that's what a lot of people think. So, imagine how surprised they're going to be this June when one of the biggest amateur sports events in the world comes to Ireland.

The Bingham Cup, commonly known as the gay rugby world cup, is named after Mark Bingham, one of the men who tried to stop the hijack of Flight 93 on September 11th. Bingham played for the San Francisco Fog, the first gay rugby team to be accepted into the California Rugby League.

To date, the Mark Bingham Cup has been hosted by London (2004) and New York (2006) and this year it's coming to Dublin.

The bid to host the Cup was won by Dublin team, the Emerald Warriors against competition from Paris and the current cup holders Sydney.

The Emerald Warriors RFC was established in 2004 to provide gay, bisexual and hetrosexual men the opportunity to take part in rugby union.

When the competition took place in New York, some thirty teams from around the world took part. The Dublin tournament is expected to smash that figure. So far over 600 participants have already registered! It has also received some major main stream recognition. Bookmakers Paddy Power are the main sponsors of the event.

The Mark Bingham Cup will take place at the DCU Sports Complex in Dublin 12th - 15th June 2008.

One of the best things about living in Ireland...

It's cold. Possibly. We actually had some frost last week. Just like the old days...

Idealism vs Realism..I'll have both thank you..

The Dawkins Delusion - I choose Idealism
I noticed recently a Facebook friend was part of a Richard Dawkins group. Regardless of his philosophies, I find it hard to understand why he would be a cult youth figure. Granted he's a rebel to the establishment which is always attractive, and things that are bad for us have always been cool, e.g. cigarettes, guns, etc. But is it not taking it to a new level when cool is deciding that your race is of no value or importance; when the (very possible) reality he advocates is such a horrible one for humanity. If I did accept atheism it would be with gloom, sadness and depression, not with excitement. What can I say, I want more from humanity than a worthless mediocre piece of randomness of the universe.

Victim of War - I choose Realism
I concluded recently that I'd much rather be a tragic victim of a war due to a commodity than a war of idealism. Kill me for oil or coffee, not Christianity, democracy or nationality. I watched Pan's Labyrinth over Christmas and I just couldn't get into the spirit of the film because the communist "good guys" had an equally ridiculous idealism to the fascists "bad guys" in power. When you read of all the minorities oppressed/killed throughout centuries of colonialism, at the end of the day, at least someone in England got a cup of tea from it, which is more than anyone gets from saying my philosophy/religion is better than yours. When the fashion of ethics changes so often, all beliefs become meaningless in time.

Seemingly contradictory, in both cases I choose humanity first. I've yet to find a term for my belief in the sanctity of human life. It's not quite humanism; it's not quite existentialism, but surely I can't be the only one who's so protective of her race.

Time Poem

It's February and soon, for me, Christmas will be looming,
while for you it is a country far across the sea.

For me, the far country is twenty-something,
while you count each quarter year.

Time and tide flow differently around us
as we flick or wade through

A thousand seconds.
Little more than half a day.

If I could borrow some of your extra long hours,
I'd sleep.

Sleep and claw some time back.
Hold off the grey.

For some stupid reason, thelink to my companion post to this won't work - it works in draft? So if you're interested, see my last blog post. www.infantasia.blogspot.com

By Order of New Management...

A message from Don Milan, Overlord in waiting, presidential candidate, Millary Clinton benevolent dictator, etc:

One is not pleased that noone commented on one's last post, no matter how trivial it was; and one demands that all lima bean pickers leave a comment herewith.

Weird

This is quite possibly one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen.

It's a group, worshipping my father.

Aileen, we SO need to make a Facebook group for you.

5 Days Untill Holidays...

And I swear to god the clocks are moving in reverse...

There is nothing worse than waiting for a holiday in my opinion. My problem is that I don't get excited untill the day in question so I just have this really long boring wait for something to happen.

I want to go to sleep for 4 days, wake up, pack and go.

On another note, I hope everyone here has experienced the TV show Heroes. I am up to date through the aid of something called the ninternot. I have also bought the box set of season one and am very rapidly converting Aoife. It is a fantastic show which avoids the bright lights that normally surrounds the "Super Hero" shows and movies. It is very addictive but well worth a look in. Enjoy.

Idiot

Molecule of the week (I)

Most people like chili peppers, they're hot and spicy, but just what makes them so hot. The answer is Capsaicin (see above) and related molecules that are mostly found in the pithy material surrounding the seeds inside.

Some chilis are clearly hotter than other and there is actually a scale, called the Scoville scale that can be used to benchmark the "hotness" of chilis. A Poblano pepper comes in at around 1,000 to 1,500, the famous Jalapeno (the ones you put on nachos) come in at around 2,500 to 8,000. Pretty hot you think, oh no, there's hotter! Try the Serrano pepper at 10,000 to 23,000 or better still the habanero at a skyrocketing 100,000 to 350,000, just try eating a fistful of these, go on i dare ya!

Just why are chilis hot anyway you might ask? The answer lies in that the spiciness aids in seed dispersal. How so? What creature (besides humans of course) would bite into a jalapeno and say to itself: hmmm... food! Well, the answer is birds, yes birds. The thing about birds is that their physiology is different. Instead of getting that burning, irritating sensation that humans alone among mammals seem to like, they experience an analgesic effect, probably something like taking codeine, cocaine or maybe even heroin. Anyway, the like it, scoff down the chilis and thus disperse the seeds.

To mammals, the above mentioned capsaicin molecule is actually toxic, it can kill, far more toxic than cocaine but perfectly legal (just let's seem them try to ban chili peppers!) It registers at about 15,000,000 on the Scoville scale. Fortunately enough though, there isn't enough in any amount of chilis that you could possibly eat to actually kill you, and it's not addictive either (or maybe it is?) But what about the pure molecule itself, that could do it! Easily! Sells for about €100 a gram from Aldrich. Try snorting a line of this stuff and you're dead baby!

I remember that...

Dance group Justice were commissioned to produce a mix CD for Fabric. The mix was rejected but has popped up on the net. Its pretty good but they get bonus points for putting THIS into the mix.




Memories of watching afternoon TV in the early 80s? RTE used to alternate between this and some very bad Eastern European cartoons if they needed to fill some time.

Anyone else remember this or is it just me?

As much as I love it here...

Okay, I promise this is the first and last Australia post.

This is my first time living in another country, granted it wasn't much of a hardship to move over, they speak english, same way of life etc. Still, I have noticed some things that I will share with you from my time here so far.

Here are some of my observations:

- You can look at deserts on google maps ALL DAY and not get fired in Oz. This is a running joke on my team cause we can see a guy doing this every day, I mean, reading blogs, the news or gossip all day is fine, but deserts - it's just suspicious.

- Most aussies do not get sarcasm. My recruitment consultant is the chief culprit. He rings for the obligatory chat once a month and our whole conversation revolves around me trying to get off the phone and giving him sarcastic answers, he never rises to the bait and always remarks about what good form I'm in. GRRRR

- Financial services in Sydney are over run with Irish, on my floor in a large international bank there are at least 15 Irish at all levels from basic admin to managers, they love us!

- Aussie teenagers are offically the most annoying creatures on the planet - think D4 at its very worst but with lots of neon pink/yellow hats and clothing for both sexes

- Mayonnaise tastes like crap here (I don't eat mayonnaise but I've heard it on the grapevine)

- A mocha (MOW-CA) is a MOCKA here and this pronounciation is taken very seriously

-Sure deoderant is known as Rexona, Cilit Bang is known as Bam, HB ice-cream is known as Streets, Peppers are called Capsicum and Galaxy chocolate is called Dove.

- Aussie ladies have no scruples, my other half has been chatted up and lunged at twice,once in my prescence and both times when he had confirmed his non-single status to the ho in question. The time I was there she kept giving me dirty looks while I was talking to my friend and then went on to tell my boyfriend that I looked like I was going to go for her so she had to leave the club. Incidentially, I thought it was hilarious and look in no way like I could fight anyone. Anyway, same could be said of Irish women but I think the aussies pip us to the post - I won't go into too much detail but one of them told my fella he had the face of someone with a huge....well you know. Classy.

- Aussie drivers are mean, this is due to the fact that drivers can turn on pedestrian light, provided there is no-one crossing. This means however, that all drivers (at least in sydney) beep their horn and give you the finger if you are deemed to not be walking fast enough across the road for them to turn. Basically, there is no comfort in crossing the road, who wants to live like that??

-Aussies LOVE themselves. Ads on telly for american tv shows/films with aussie actors put 'Australias own' in creepy loud voice over and conveniently forget that the aussie in question is hardly as famous as the rest of the actors. They have also claimed Damien Leith (Irish dude who won Australian Idol) as Australias own. Robbers.

Phew, that was long, there's lots more where that came from but I don't want to bore anyone too much.

Youtube Fanciness

Have yiz noticed that youtube have added a new feature when you're viewing on full screen that allows you browse related videos that appear in little floating bubbles. You press the the red symbol next to play and the spacey screen appears. It's probably been there for ages and I only noticed it recently.

That's all. I'm having a no brain day today.

Pain is the...

...root of knowledge (Simone Weil)

I have been hit by an affliction I have never suffered before, one I have taken the piss out of time and time again, doubted its existence, laughed at, but one I know understand fully the severity of...nipple rash.

Let me present to you what happened. I went to see Bohs play Burnley in a pre-season friendly on Friday. I got talking to a lad I know who works up there who kindly gave me a free polo and sweatshirt in return for a favour I can do him in work. The sweatshirt is lovely and warm and will keep me comfortable on many the cold night. The polo shirt is a bit shit and is a shade of red that even the proudest Commie wouldn’t wear on a day out in Tiananmen Square. Problem is that at an ungodly hour on Sunday as I crawled out of bed to go to work it was on the floor, ripping the plastic off it I set off for a short shift in work unbeknownst of the pain I was about to inflict on my right tit.

About an hour into my day I realised that the Bohs logo on the shirt was grazing terribly on me nipple, it was really fucking sore, so much so that I couldn’t wait to get home to change. Problem is my boss rang offering me a ludicrous amount of money to do a ludicrously small amount of work. Thus my two hours of suffering became 9 and my nipple became the size of a snooker ball and is a shade of illuminous red so great that I’m afraid to walk around with no top on for fear that an Aer Lingus plane will land in the garden.

I’m in need of advice – Ash I’m looking at you, with your running background you must have some?

Some First Impressions

Now more of us have met eachother, and know I'm not sixty, I wonder what our impressions of each other might be? Here are some of mine:

Someone Living - expresses personality through the wearing of interesting shirts.
Midge - wooes with baked goods.
Idiot - cute n' unfeasibly youthful - may have a portrait in his attic.
Shan - oddly, far taller on the second meeting (?). Definitely the big brother.
aquaasho - radiates goodness, and must be a lovely mum.
Milan - surprisingly cuddly :)
atreus - bearded
Polkadot - will always be associated in my mind with edible flowers, and therefore the lovely ones that grew in my garden called lords and ladies. Yes, I know that's random.
voodoolady - jetlagged. Heh heh.

Gothtastic!

Isn't this great! I wish the internet had existed when I was a confused and annoying teenager! As a psuedo cure head I would have loved this! I had some black see through tops, they were my mums from the seventies! Seriously! But I wasn't allowed to buy a black bra (only whores wore those) so I had a secret black bra, I'd stick my white bra on, waistcoat on top again, and then when I'd get to my mates house I'd change into the whores undergarment! I am reminded of my lovely dark past by the face that I see in the mirror now, I've gone back to nature! Actually a shade darker than nature! So I'm now a brunette again, I love it, I feel much more like myself. As a blondish woman I never felt like me, it always seemed a bit too cheery, a bit too friendly, a bit too approachable!

Now I am wearing more black now too, another side effect of darker hair is I can wear more makeup, lots of red lipstick, as a teenager filled with angst it was Mary Quant, same on Robert Smith wore, now it's a nice burgandy from Revlon!(Maybe Robert has toned it down too?)

So I am happy to be dark....in a gothic those kids in the Fanta ad kind of way, I'm off to a playdate with the wee ones now, my nails are a lovely metallic navy and my make up is a bit Sweeny Todd, but feck it! Some women separate feom their husbands and dress like hookers, I'm just taking it in a different direction!

Btw, I don't wear white bras anymore, in fact I don't really wear black bras anymore, purple and red are my favorite, so if whores wear black and good girls wear white what does that make me....?

I have sucked up a hamster like a hoover.

I had one of my flashbacks on the Luas this morning. Of course I ended up squashed between twelve people giggling to myself.

I once had a hamster called Hambo. He was very cool. He used to hang from the top of his cage like a bat and once did a little poo on a friends arm, which kept me laughing for weeks.

Anyway there was one occassion where I had him out of his cage and he was running riot. Now in fairness I was a lot younger and in my wisdom decided to apply some physics to the act of picking up a hyper hamster.

So I bent down and sucked him into my mouth. His little legs kept moving, god bless him, as I deposited him back in his cage. He was an excellent little pet.

The RSPCA does not allow me to have pets anymore...

Idiot

Idiot Food...

I don't happen to have taken a photo a photo of the gorgeous "exotic" food provided by Jo but here's a selection of some of the "fare" brought by one of the 4nine£ gang.


Yes that's actually half a packet of Jaffa Cakes and the Pot Noodle was open...It's like one of those games where you memorise what's in front of and then close your eyes and try to recall them, see if you remember the chocolate Santa...

I'm so glad I don't drink (especially after reading about some of your sore heads) as getting up and running on 5 hours sleep was hard enough as it was.

I had a brilliant night. Big huge thanks to Jo, opening up your lovely home to us is a big deal and you went to tonnes of trouble (lovely to meet your daughter too!)

We have an admirer!

Someone wants to meet us the night of the Blog Awards.

How strange is that?

http://nmcquaid.blogspot.com/2008/02/irish-blog-award-nomination.html

urg...bleh

I have just lured my daughter away from her Sesame Street website with selection of cartoon treats on the satellite - Scooby Doo was the clincher. So I can write about my hangover. What a good mother am I!

Oh God. I only had a mini hangover - one glass of wine and maybe three cocktails? But that's more than I've drunk in a long time. And it's not worth it! Especially not when I'm killing off my baby's brain cells to do it, oh awful, bad woman! Sobreity may not seem like a good option when every one else is drinking, but it's better the next morning. I bet Aisling's been out for a run already.

Being hungover while having to look after your children is just not good. I seriously can't think or speak or use my hands properly this morning!

Ok, enough moaning.

Here's how to make daquiris - blend ice in a blender, add strawberries, icing sugar and lime juice, bacardi to taste - I think they were too strong last night (thank you MW who wasn't actually plannig on drinking them!), the whole point of cocktails is that the alcohol doesn't taste like alcohol, just tasty drink.

I enjoyed muchly listening to Idiot ranting about gay men and their fashion accessory small dogs, while holding a drink that looked just like the one in his picture below :)

I think my favourite entertainment is a night in, food and conversation. I like going out, but I think staying in is better. It's cheaper, and more comfortable - my only complaint was that I find it hard to wear day clothes at home at night - oo, I was very very tempted to go put on my comfies, my body was screaming out for them!

The food was gorgeous, though I do say so myself, though MW made most of it - cheesy pesto bread, fantastic. Giant selection of desserts, three by Midge (on a baking bender!), one by Ais, and profiteroles in the fridge for me today - it just wasn't humanly possible. I'm hoping Aisling will post the picture of Idiot's offerings, an eclectic and eccentric mix they were. A Pot Noodle prize to the most humorous comment today...

A small moan - my husband came over all shy and fecked off out with his mates. Texted me at about 2.20 to say 'In a taxi, on the way home'. But he wasn't actually on the way home, he was in his friend's home, where he stayed for several more hours. So though this is perhaps the second late night I've had in - well, seven months, anyway, I got up at 8 this morning, got the kids breakfast etc. Arse.

The sad thing is, my husband's very nice. He's sweet, he's very funny, he's good company, I would have been happy to have him meet the people who, as Shan says, we spend a lot of time with. But instead I end up complaining about him publicly again, which isn't really good. Sigh.

Ooooohhhh my poor head........

Idiot + Strawberry Daiquiri = hanging to death

What an interesting Saturday night we had. Lots of exotic foods (stuff with more than one ingredient) and a jug of Daiquiri. My god that stuffs lethal. There are also a couple of ways to spell them. The one here is correct. Why am I up so early. Well I had to drive the missus to work, poor thing is working all day.

So anyway a quick thank you to Jo for being such an excellent hostess.

Milan did not try to take over the world which was a welcome change, Aquaasho is the crumble queen, Midget inspired us to write a new song, Shan also now has a penchant towards Strawberry Daiquiri's and as for me.......

Jo





I know where you live.

Idiot xx

Short Post 2: PDA alert

I like to link - in public. With some people I'm the linker, others the linkee. It's better to be the linker cause then you can put your weight onto the linkee and they end up dragging you along.. I know, laziness disguised as affectionate intimacy..the best kind.

Tokyo Times

I am a huge Japanophile. I love the culture, the food, the rituals, all of it. I wouldn't do well there, cause I don't like crowds. But Tokyo Times has been in my RSS reader for years now. I just love the quirkyness that the author finds all around him. It's my slice into what it would be like if I were in Tokyo. Yeah, the sheer amount of breasts make it seem like it would be uncomfortable, but hey...they have tons of Hello Kitty!!

The Best of Omens

When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky:


Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there. It probably isn't going to be a good day.

Why?

Why do stupid people do stupid things?  

If you are going to make a "private" porn film, and you have some form of celebrity (even you Z listers out there), DON'T.  Seriously.  It'll just get released to the net, you'll suffer embarrassment and you won't be seen the same way.  That's not what I meant.  But you know!  I mean, come ON.  Don't sit there and say "Oh, honey, I love you sooooooo much, will you film that butt plug doing me?"

This has just been on my mind for a while.  No recent developments have sparked it being posted.  

What a beautiful day!!!

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, people are in good form. Lovely.

So I decided to take my lunch break early. Off I trot with the inkling of an idea to spend my lunch in Merrion Sq's grassy area. By the time I got to the Crepe cafe my hands were about to fall off. Sigh.....

We are so close to Spring but not quite there yet.

I have been advised by a friend to get a SAD lamp.




Apparently these lamps act as a source of "Sunlight" for those of us that feel down during the colder, mankier seasons of the year. Hmmm, must say that I am a bit dubious about this.

This has been a weird week for me. One of those weeks where you just don't feel comfortable or relaxed no matter what you do. I screwed up on valentines day too....

Yes you are all allowed to mock me for my short sightedness. I am a hater of valentines day. I hate the costs, the pressure put on people and the fact that there is this one day of romance when it should be everyday. So I did nothing.... oops.

Aoife got me a lovely card and made dinner with champagne, and I did nothing. Yes I stuck to my principles which is good but its only now that I realise I must seem like I don't give a shite. So I have some making up to do, which should be fun.

The moral of the story is, get your partner something for valentines even if you believe the day is a crock of shite.

Lesson learned

Idiot x

Things I have learned from watching TV credits

It sounds odd...

But tonight, I have mainly been watching TV

And I have found TV to be good... although some of the scruffier channels on my Sky Box are a bit odd...

Anyway, I watched my favourite show, (now that the writers are back) The Daily Show...

They have an extraordinary gift for taking stuff that should not be funny and wringing every last drop of comedy juice out of it... I laughed out loud several times...

Anywhoo, the host, John Stewart, who is hosting the Oscars next Sunday, is brilliant...

If I were an organised blogger, I'd go and find some clips...

But I'm not...

The funniest thing of all though was in the credits.

All through the show, from opening shot, to closing item, Mr Stewart sits resolutely behind his desk... he does not move, he may swing back and forward in his fancy chair, but he is not a Jay Leno, stand up, monologue type of guy...

And yet, in the Wardrobe credits, his "SHOES" are provided by Salvatore Ferragamo.

I am amazed at the ability of the producers to get a shoe sponsor for a show, in which, there are no shoe shots...


My other learning from tonight's credit watching? The Million Dollar prize in America's Got Talent is in the form of a 40 year annuity - in other words, the million you think you've won is actually $25,000 per year, for the next 40 years.

I can only imagine, that having read the small print, the 75 year old contestant is probably happier that she got knocked out...

Nothing like a good contemporary art merger..

Reading the paper last Sunday and Dancing on Ice happened to be on in the background. I randomly looked up at one point and caught this. It's some bloke from Hollyoaks dancing to Justin Timberlake, doing Justin type dance moves on the ice; a merger of cultures I've never seen before and worked amazingly well. I've post before about a jazz/hip-hop brass band that I've learnt to love in recent years. Art mergers like this are always refreshingly entertaining:

Slap and Squash

Ok I just did a big post but decided it was too boring. So instead I'm going to talk about smacking backsides. It's a family tradition and I love smacking people's backsides. When I'm in the pub with friends from college I slap them in greeting. I catch out my sisters all the time. I've reached this familiarity with a few people from work, but mostly only after a few drinks.

I also like smelling peoples heads and especially love to squash naturally curly hair in my hands. That's a fantastic experience. Unfortunately the girl I know with the most fabulously squashable hair hates me going near her and it makes me not want to be around her cause all I wanna do is squash her hair.

I bake therefore I am!

So I have been feeling a bit down. And a funny side effect of me feeling down is me baking.....baking and giving it away! There has been baked cheesecake and raspberry and blueberry drizzle cake, chocolate souffle and today lemon slices and cheesecake chocolate brownies! The brownies and lemon bars are for Jo the mamas get together tomorow night! I don't know what it is about the baking thing when I'm feeling a bit low, maybe it's the fact that I am being creative and actully creating something useful! The problem is I have to give the stuff away cos I am watching what I eat!

But tonight, tonight I was bad! Really indulged in comfort food! My ex partner is at a social event tonight, it's an event we have gone to for years, together, last year I was seven months (or eight months) pregnant, we had to leave early as I was so tired, standing in high heels, swollen ankles the whole deal! So tonight I was prepared, after doing the bedtime routine and ironing, I had two coors lights beers, then I had my sandwich.....really good superquinn bread, coleslaw, turkey breast, salad, beetrootand salad cream....so yummy then I had one of my lemon bars, so good! I actually feel a bit ill I've eaten sooo much! And I know it's bad but it does help, the lovely food helped me to live more in the moment, I feel satisfied right now, content.

So I was wondering what other peoples comfort food is, pizza (golden beers?) Chocolate (milan) or kit kat desserts (ash)! And why does it work so bloody well! Btw the lemon bars are zingy! Just like I like them!

Meet the GOD Warrior

This is the GOD Warrior. Stand by for every stereotype about US hillbillies to be reaffirmed. Thanks to whoever it was from p45.net for scoping this out btw

(clip is from one of those US Wife Swap type shows - this is her glorious return from the darkside).

True signs of being silly

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm ... bandwidth ...